and then there was me...

Earth Hour 2008 - shedding light on an hour of darkness

2008-03-29T21:04:00.003-06:00

As Earth Hour 2008 set in, I turned off the TV, stopped the dryer mid-cycle, and lit a few candles before switching off my last lamp. It wasn't quite dusk outside, so there was a glow coming in from the deck, but somehow it was still too dark to read. I found myself sitting on the sofa, listening to the sounds of my home settling, and wondering how I was going to fill the next 60 minutes of my life without using any electricity.

Would turning on my laptop be cheating? I wondered. Technically, if I ran it off the battery instead of the wall-jack, I could justify it, but then again, as the candle light flickered around my living room, the thought of the fluorescent lights of my computer monitor felt heavy on my soul.

8:03

Could I make a phone call? Maybe spending the hour chatting with an old friend would help the time pass quickly - but no. All of my phones are cordless, meaning they on electricity out of the wall. My cell phone? Well, I would be relying on a cell tower somewhere to power that call...

8:05

I wanted a cold glass of water. My hand reached out for the refrigerator door - and I stopped myself. Opening the fridge would turn on the automatic light inside. Instead, I ran the water out of my tap for a few seconds and filled my glass. It may not have been as icy cold as I usually like, but it quenched my thirst none-the-less.

8:13

Back on the couch. Fingers tapping away a tune stuck in my head. A glance at my IPod, resting snug in it's speaker box. A dull ping of guilt settled over me. I remember thinking how sad it was that so much of what I take for granted, so much of the seemingly innocent details of my everyday life, are using up this planet's energy resources.

8:19

Watching the flicker of TV lights in the windows across the street, I notice a woman walking her dog. The dog leads the way with it's nose less than an inch off the sidewalk. I wonder faintly what new smells they might be pursuing. I also wonder if they walk each other every evening, or if this is just another attempt to exist for one hour without the use of a light switch.

8:27

By now I've grabbed one of my notebooks and begun journalling. I can write in the dim candlelight. In fact, it seems to shed more light on my soul as the words pour out onto the page. Maybe the silence (accentuated by the humming of the refrigerator) isn't quite as terrifying as we've come to think. Without the noise of the television, and the distractions of laundry and preparing meals, it seems that once again I can hear that whisper of inspiration in my head. Then again, I can't help but peek at the clock again, wondering to myself how long it will be until I can flip open my computer and once again allow my fingers to glide over the keyboard.

8:38

The sun has now set. The streetlights cast an eerie orange tint over the street outside my window. Two cars drive past, each going in opposite directions. I wonder where they are headed?

8:40

I'm on my feet - restless. I cross the short distance to my bedroom, and squint at the titles along my bookshelf. I know it's there, if only I had thought to bring a candle in with me. Instead, I run my fingers against the book spines. The tarot cards sit recessed between two books. I can feel the distinct size of the cards as I pull the deck out and make my way back to the sofa.

8:43

I shuffle three times, thinking about my life, my career, my plans. I don't have a specific question - almost a necessity when turning to the cards for guidance - but somehow it feels appropriate to do a reading now.

8:45

I choose the pentagram.

1. This is where you came from.
6 of swords. Science.
1st impressions: conflict, science killing religion, chaos

This card implies a move to another place or change of environment. It represents strength and the job of integrating different worlds. *Simultaneously contrasting and unifying worlds*.
Be thorough when confronting your conflicts;
Be thorough in bringing your needs to the attention of others.

2. This is where you are going.
The Priestess.
1st impressions: freedom, openness, compassion, sanctuary

Luck is not a matter of chance; it depends on fulfilling important wishes and releasing intrinsic fears.
Practical consequences of this card point in 2 directions:
- to create your own space & boundaries
- to open the walls to the outside, blending your feelings with those of others.

3. This is what is difficult for you.
5 of cups. Disappointment.
1st impressions: emptiness, uncoordinated, tangled

This card represents the shadowy side of our emotions. But shadows are visible; express your feelings. Feel the grief, and, if there is still time, do something about it.
This card can also mean that your emotions are drawing a line through the past and that you are now completely open for a new beginning.

4. This is what makes sense.
Adjustment.
1st impressions: justice, careful judgement, symmetry, balance, intuition

The subject of inner-attitude is not very far removed from justice. Justice is less a matter of abstract principles than of how we deal with right and wrong in our lives, and how fairly we behave towards others. In order to be fair in your attitudes and your behaviours, you must first examine your assumptions.
You need the courage to criticize and to honour achievements when you ask timely questions, but nothing is as important as the willingness to be honest when deciding whom and what you really love.

5. This is your ultimate goal.
10 of disks. Wealth.
1st impressions: multicultural, layers, symbolism, diversity

The 10 disks represent the "tree of life" in Kaballah. This tree is a model for wholeness, unity and completion. The tree, however, is missing the connecting path that creates the shape of the "tree".
COMPLETE BUT UNCONNECTED
The question is whether you can connect all that you are, all your many skills, and still be able to recognize a piece of yourself in everything that is human without always thinking that everyone must agree with you.
Individuality is not possible when going it alone. Once you find the bridge that connects what is foreign and different in you to others, loneliness disappears just as the fear of being swallowed up by the masses will disappear.

9:12

While I got lost in interpreting my tarot reading, Earth Hour 2008 passed by before I even realized. I quickly turned on my computer to type out all the thoughts that had been swimming through my head, but I think I will leave the TV off tonight. There is something sinfully pleasant in re-learning to enjoy the silence, and I will indulge in it a few hours more before returning to my old ways.

Perhaps this hour of darkness will lend itself to my new beginning after all.

Earth Hour 2008

2008-03-29T11:11:00.002-06:00

Join WWF's Earth Hour 2008 and help save our Earth before it's too late.

http://www7.earthhourus.org/

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

2008-01-28T08:42:00.000-07:00

Please take note of the "Feels Like: -46". NEGATIVE FORTY SIX DEGREES CELCIUS. *泣*

2007-10-09T12:14:00.000-06:00

I just finished re-reading 1984 for the umpteenth time, and I still get amazed at how much that book makes me reflect on my own life. I wish I had the talent and the intellect to write something as equally profound.

As a lover of satire, however, it should come as no surprise to hear that I prefer Animal Farm, which I also re-read just a few short weeks ago. I think it is the simplicity of the story that I am drawn to - the ease with which Orwell illustrates the political transformations.

Overall, I'd say that 1984 is less subtle than its earlier counterpoint, which is best characterized by delicate acuteness in its inventiveness and story tale appearance. Both stories appeal to me, both as a liberal audience and as a lover of literature, and I find myself sad to realize that it will be months, if not years, before I am struck with the desire to re-read these 2 novels once again.

~~~

2007-08-14T10:16:00.000-06:00

Passing thoughts on a quiet Tuesday afternoon...

Unintentionally, my heart deceives me. Unplanned, my feelings waver. Is it
truly him? Or rather the idea of him that draws me in, even now.

Strange to be alone when I want companionship, after years of companionship when I wanted to be alone. Is it my mind or my heart that toys with me like this?

The Tale of the Moo-ing Dog

2007-08-07T08:23:00.000-06:00

When I moved back to Calgary, the last thing I expected was to meet up with a couple that would result in the following tale, but knowing the characters that have decorated my life, perhaps this isn't as bizarre as one might think...

Normally, first impressions make - well - an impression. Luckily, I was able to see past the one that began with Dad suspicious about Stephen's newest friend. He was curious as to why my brother, a young 22 year old, had been spending a growing amount of time with Josh, a 28 year old grown up from Montreal. I distinctly remember Dad's tone when he said those words to me, "Grown Up" as though the words themselves were imbued with sinister intentions. "What could they possibly have in common?" I remember him asking me this, as though the 6 years mark some drastic generational gap - which is made even more bizarre by the fact that Dad's best friend is nearly 15 years his senior.

So I'm not sure what I expected when I met the now-infamous Josh myself, but what I found, was a delightfully whimsical though mature individual. In the beginning, our time together was spent usually laughing, picking fun at each other, and pulling up our sleeves to help Stephen move furniture from one side of the city to another. He had the ability to get under my skin, while he referred to me simply as "Steve's sister" whenever speaking to his wife, Sam, but still, he did so with a mischevious glint in his eyes. It didn't take long, after turning the tables and referring to him as "Sam's husband" that my own identity in the Margo household was established.

Josh's wife, Sam, was a bit more reclusive. For weeks, we heard about each other through mutual friends, but our introduction did not take place until weeks after Josh & I had established a friendship. Between her busy school schedule (Masters program at the UofC) and her jaunts across the country (visits to Vancouver and Montreal), I began to think she was just a figment of Josh & Stephen's collective imaginations. They both swore she was real, and I suspected as much from the wedding picture hanging on Josh's wall, and her various comments on Stephen's facebook page, but it became an amusing anecdote until we finally met.

Besides the happy couple, there is one most fateful member of the Margo family that warrants a mention in this happy tale. Kali. The four-legged Margo whose presence was expected at every Saturday night bonfire, every "Apples to Apples" funtastic event, and every Sunday morning walk with Sam, Stephen & Karma. Kali, who despite being 14 years old, has more energy than 2 year old Karma and can outrun him, outplay him, and outsmart him. Kali, who at 14 can jump higher and farther than Karma, albeit sometimes taking nose dives into the side of the couch while chasing his toys across the room. Kali, who has learned with age that he's more likely to earn a morsel of food if he charms people that if he jumps up their legs. And Kali, who despite being 14 years old, has such a dominant sex drive than poor Karma has time and again been overpowered and humped into submission by the little Margo terror.

Karma has not been alone in this humiliation - Kali has a bitch. Many a game night at Josh & Sam's includes the forlorn mooing sneaking out from the toy wedged between Kali's salivating jaw. The cow, endearingly referred to as 'the bitch' by friends and family alike, is Kali's most prized possession. I can only hope that that stuffed cow has seen better days because it's currently in such a dilapidated state that Kali has nearly run out of stuffing to rip out through the threadbare stitches.

Now that we've met the Margos, it's only fitting that they are leaving us. Upon completion of her Master's Thesis, Sam will have completed her time at the UofC, and in effect, her time in Calgary. It should therefore come as no surprise, that despite the hassles of moving, both Josh and Sam are eager to move back East - 'home' if you will - and needless to say, Kali will join them. And so, for the first time in my life, when Josh departs Thursday for Ottawa, instead of being the one to leave, I will be one of the ones left behind. This development has been a catalyst for a range of thoughts and emotions running through my psyche. Every time I've moved away, friends have gathered to say farewell & to share my last few days together. With Josh & Sam, there was no difference. During the last week, we've had our last Saturday game night, our last party/get together, and our last goodbyes. I'm not part of the Tuesday night Hockey Crew, but I know there must have been quite a sendoff yesterday for Josh's last Tuesday Night Hockey, as there will be for Sam when she has her last meeting with her Thesis Advisor.
All these lasts and goodbyes, and I can't help but feel sad at the absense they will leave in our lives. But rather than be depressed and dissapointed over moments in life that are beyond my control, I decided to have some fun with one more last the Margos & Plucers will share.
Kali & Karma's last sendoff.
I know that while Stephen & I will miss Josh & Sam, we at least have the ability to E-mail, Facebook, SMS, phone, etc. Poor Kali & Karma have none of the luxuries available to those of us with opposable thumbs, and therefore, they are truly saying goodbye to eachother. For Karma, this probably won't be as difficult a farewell, knowing the role he plays in their little companionship. Kali, on the otherhand, will have to endure the loss of his four-legged pal, walk-mate and concubine. This in addition to the inevitable death of his bitch, and poor Kali is likely to flee his new life in Ottawa out of pure desperation of heart.
And so, our tale nears its pinnacle. What could I possibly do to ease our Kali's pain? What could I hope to buy for Josh & Sam that thoughts of me might work their way into their new lives? What could I think of to send the Margos off with a hearty chuckle reminiscent of the laughs we've shared these past months?
And then it hit me: The perfect solution!
I called Stephen & Becky (his girlfriend) and recruited their help. We ran to the mall, pushing our way through the throngs of onlookers and mall-walkers. Eagerly, Becky led the way into Build-A-Bear, her home away from home, and directly to the object I had been seeking. Object in hand, we moved to the next station, where she found the sound-producer I had been hoping for. Next, the stuffing station, where I had to drive the giant machine which seemed to be pouring life rather than stuffing. And the piece de resistance, Becky, Stephen & myself each chose a tiny heart and nestled it deep within the chest region of our growing machination. Finally, the last station helped us give birth to our new entity; at long last, and with birth certificate in hand, Kali's new playmate Karma, was born.
And so, it was with eager anticipation that we returned home from the mall. I wanted Kali, upon received his gift, to recognize it as a substitute Karma and thus I spent my afternoon trying to convince Karma Karma that the new Karma was harmless. I wanted them to play together, hoping that some of Karma Karma's essence would rub off on the new effigy, turning it from merely a stuffed dog to an entity worthy of Kali's adulation. Admittedly, we were shocked to find that Karma Karma was scared out of his wits by the stuffed animal. It took two of us to hold him down long enough to rub him down with the faux-Karma, and he was left trembling for ages. In the end, he was curious enough to follow me around when I was wrapping the doll and preparing him for Kali, but still too scared to come close enough for a good sniff.
Monday night, Stephen, Becky and I prepared ourselves and our gifts, and made our way to the Margos'. Sam was already in bed, and Josh seemed frazzled from a long day of packing, sorting, and preparing the apartment for his departure. Stephen & Becky handed over their gifts, and I excitedly waited to present mine. When it was time, I began with the spiel I had prepared, explaining that I didn't want to Kali to be lonely, and I knew it was time to replace his precious cow. I pulled Karma out of the bag, and handed it to Josh, eager to see his reaction. He seemed content to follow Stephen's excited advice to "squeeze the left paw" and finally, I got the reaction I had been hoping for. When a powerful "Moooooo" repeated itself 3 times from the depths of Kali's new playtoy, Josh's face lit up with delight, and I knew my gift was a success.

And that is the Tale of the Moo-ing Dog.

ISTJ ~ My Myers-Briggs Personality Profile

2007-07-30T21:32:00.000-06:00

The following contains exerpts from "Do What You Are: Discover the Perfect Career for You Through the Secrets of Personality Type", by Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger.

ISTJs are the serious, responsible, and sensible stalwarts of society. They are trustworthy and honour their commitments. Their word is their solemn vow.

Practical and realistic, ISTJs are matter-of-fact and thorough. They are painstakingly accurate and methodical, with great powers of concentration. Whatever they are doing they accomplish with orderliness and reliability. They have unshakable, well-thought-out ideas and are difficult to distract or discourage once they have embarked on what they believe to be the best course of action.

Characteristically quiet and hardworking, ISTJs have great practical judgement and memory for details. They can cite accurate evidence to support their views and apply their past experiences to their present decisions. They value and use logic and impersonal analysis, are organizes and systematic in their approach to following things through and getting them done on time. They follow necessary systems and procedures and are impatient with those who do not.

ISTJs are cautious and traditional. They listen well and like things to be factual and clearly states. They are said to “Say what you mean and mean what you say.” Private by nature, ISTJs appear calm even during times of crisis. They are duty bound and steadfast but beneath their calm façade, they may have strong yet rarely expressed reactions.

Possible Blind Spots

A common problem for ISTJs is their tendency to lose themselves in the details and daily operations of a project. Once immersed, they can be rigid and unwilling to adapt of accept another point of view. They tend to be sceptical of new ideas if they don’t see their immediate and practical application. They need to take time to look at their overall objectives and consider alternatives they may not have considered. Gathering a wider range of information and consciously trying to anticipate the future implications of their behaviour will increase the ISTJ’s effectiveness in all areas.

ISTJs sometimes have trouble understanding the needs of others, especially those that are different from their own. Because they keep their reactions private, they can be perceives as cold and unfeeling. They need to express their appreciation for others directly, rather than keeping it to themselves.

Because they are logical, ISTJs tend to expect others to be so as well. They run the risk of imposing their judgements on others and overriding the opinions of less assertive people. They can demand conformity to their way of doing things and discourage more creative or innovative approaches. By staying open to untested or unconventional methods, they will develop more tolerance for differences in people, and also end up with more effective alternatives and options.

My Temperament: SJ

SJs are the most traditional of the four temperaments. They value law and order, security, propriety, rules and conformity. They are driven by a strong motivation to serve society’s needs. SJs respect authority, hierarchy, and the chain of command, and generally have conservative values. They are bound by their sense of duty and always try to do the right thing, which makes them reliable, dependable and above all else, responsible.

SJs at Work

SJs need to belong, to serve, and to do the right thing. They value stability, orderliness, cooperation, consistency, and reliability, and they tend to be serious and hardworking. SJs demand a great deal of themselves on the job and expect the same of others.

Strengths. SJs are practical, organizes, thorough and systematic. They pay attention to regulations, policies, contracts, rituals, and time lines. They are excellent at guarding, monitoring, and regulating. SJs prefer to deal with proven facts and use them to further the goals of the organization to which they belong. They take great pride in doing something right the first time and every time. They are good at seeing what needs attention and at getting the job done with the available resources as efficiently as possible. Once they’ve committed themselves, SJs always follow through. At their best, SJs are solid, trustworthy, and dependable.

A good job for an SJ might be one that involves a relatively high level of responsibility within a stable company that has a clearcut chain of command. Since SJs like structure, they are generally comfortable in organizations that have a fair number of rules and standard ways of doing things. SJs prefer working in an environment where both regulations and rewards are certain. (They don’t like positions or organizations where everything is in a state of flux or confusion!) SJs prefer colleagues who share their dedication and respect for authority and who pull their own weight.

SJs make good managers. They appreciate the need for structure and are often the mainstays of organizations, either in leadership or support positions. The role they most often play is that of the stabilizer – the maintainer of traditions and the status quo.

As an ISTJ, career satisfaction means doing work that:

Is technical in nature and lets me depend on my ability to use and remember important facts and details

Involves a real product or service done in a thoughtful, logical, and efficient way, preferably using standard operations procedures

Lets me be independent, with plenty of time to work alone and use my excellent powers of concentration to complete projects and/or tasks

Is done in a stable and traditional environment, where I will not be required to take unnecessary risks or use untested or experimental approaches

Has results that are tangible and measurable, where precision and exacting standards are used and respected

Has explicit objectives and a clearly defined organizational structure

Gives me adequate time to prepare before presenting or turning in my work, preferably in a one-on-one or small group setting

Gives me increasing levels of responsibility, with a minimum of social politics, where I am evaluated on how well I have achieved the requirements of the job description and am appreciated for my contributions

Is done in an environment where my practical judgement and experience are valued and rewarded

Allows me to set and reach stated goals by providing me with the necessary resources

Popular Occupations for ISTJs
Auditor
Office Manager
Accountant
Manager/supervisor
Word Processing Specialist
Efficiency expert/analyst
Police Officer/Detective
Government Employee
Real Estate Agent
Bank Examiner
Stockbroker
Estate Planner
School Principle
Administrator
Law Researcher
Legal Secretary
Computer Programmer
Technical Writer
Veterinarian
Pharmacist
Primary Care Physician

...updates...

2007-07-30T09:33:00.000-06:00

So many minutes, so many hours. I’ve thought about writing, but there hasn’t been a spark. Inspiration? Motivation? I’m not sure what’s lacking, I just know the words won’t pour out onto the screen like they used to.

Happy Canada Day!

2007-07-01T12:34:00.001-06:00

Thank you Everyone

2007-06-13T11:57:00.001-06:00

So many nice comments about my condo.. and some well... does my table really look like a transporter pod? My next project is to finish hanging art. I'm still waiting on photos from a certain pole smoker, but once he sends them to me, I can get them printed and then have fun decorating.

Maybe Lora will help when she & Shinya come down to visit :o)

In the meantime, I've started looking for work. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do, so for now I'm going to temp agencies and letting them do the work for me. I figure that once I'm working and making a steady income, I'll have the time to go through all of my Japan journals and try writing out some anecdotes. Then I can see if they are any good, and maybe try getting them published somewhere. Maybe. For now, I just have to find the motivation to get out of the house, start working, and settling down into a new grown up life of bills, taxes & responsibilities.

Chez Moi

2007-06-08T15:35:00.001-06:00

Chez Moi
Originally uploaded by corisan.

Some of you have asked, so I finally got around to taking some pictures of my place. I still love it so much that I haven't had the urge to get out and do much; I'm just happy being at home. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but there isn't much to tell..

Maybe at the end of the month I'll have more to say - after Lora & her beau come for a visit. :)

what a day

2007-05-22T23:06:00.000-06:00

This morning saw the dawning of another "Marnie-Day" in my life, a day which involves spending the day with my cousin Marnie and her 2 children. Seeing Marnie in action - juggling the needs of a 20 month old toddler and a 9 week old newborn, while playing the role of eldest daughter, older sister, devoted wife and friend, and a semi-retired (I say this because she has been on maternity leave for ages now) professional Mediation Coordinator - inspires a level of clarity that cannot come through imagination and daydreams alone. This clarity has revealed that while I'm confident that I will by an aunt some day, I've found that simply being a generously involved cousin introduces its own challenges. Thoughts of being a mother have never crossed my mind, and spending time with the Bondar babies has not changed this. I should clarify: NOT because of them - but rather, in spite of them, I know that bringing a child into this world would be highly irresponsible of me, and a truly unfair thing to do - to me, and to them.

My Marnie-Day involved a number of memorable moments worth mentioning, but none have been as painfully memorable as my morning tumble down the baby-gated stairs. I suppose it was inevitable, given the calamities leading up to it... First of all, I'd had less than 6 hours sleep. Foolish on my part, yes, but to be fair, I've always been a night person, and since I'm not working yet, I have grown accustomed to sleeping in. Next, I zombied my way through the Tim Horton's drive-thru, but barely had time to swallow 1/3 of my Cappuccino. Then, as I made my way up the stairs to the front door, Marnie was already there holding the door open for me, suggesting that she had been desperately awaiting my arrival. She quickly began listing off the events she wanted to accomplish for the day, and so I dropped my breakfast and did my best to assist her in getting the children ready to leave. The toddler already had his sneakers on, his jacket zipped, and was just itching to get out the door. The baby wasn't quite asleep, but she laid back happily cooing as Marnie began settling her into her baby-seat for the car ride. It was then, when Marnie asked me to run down the stairs and grab a pair of socks for the newborn. Eager to help, I rushed over to the stairs, and stared dumbly at the baby gate that stood in my path.

"Just squeeze down and push it out," Marnie called to me from across the room.

Simple enough, or so I thought. Only.. where was I supposed to squeeze? Confused, and way to confident in my competence to ask for clarification, I decided that I was agile enough to step over the gate and avoid it altogether. I can picture the following events, almost in slow motion. It was easy to step over the gate and place one foot on the landing over the stairs. It was while I was bringing my second leg over top of the gate, that my body spun out and I lost my footing. I'm not sure that I knew what had happened before I came to rest at the bottom of the stairs, but judging from my bruises, aches and pains that have developed over the day, it must have been quite a tumble. I know that I basically fell backwards, ass-first towards the ground. I completely flipped over in what I can only imagine as the most awkward backwards somersault the world has ever seen, with my arms and legs flailing out futilely. Marnie's recounting of the sordid event mentioned seeing me disappear beneath her line of vision while the shadows on the wall were clear enough for her to describe that I literally flipped head over heels on my way down. Perhaps the worst part of the whole clumsy escapade was that in shock and surprise, Marnie called out to see if I was a) hurt and b) unconscious, and her children were both instantly aware of her panic. In chorus, the two kids began crying, and poor Marnie was stuck upstairs trying to console them while wondering if her plans for the day would be replaced with a call for an ambulance and a trip to the emergency room. I think she was relieved when I answered back, told her I was fine, and did my best to rush back with the fuzzy pink socks I'd been sent for.

Throughout the day, I felt fine, and really thought nothing of the whole event. That is, until I noticed that one of the fingertips on my left hand was turning black. Now, as I type this, I can't help but cringe every time said finger presses down on the "s" key. It reminds me though, how habitual some actions can be; how the tiniest details of our lives can become routine without our knowledge. I wonder if it is possible to reclaim control over these unconscious acts. I know that the longer I type, the stronger of a reflex I can develop against using my bruised fingertip, but without conscious thought, or further repetition, my typing will return to normal. I wonder what other little habits I have developed.. I wonder if I have the strength and conviction to change them.

Curious.

Very curious.

yiippeeee

2007-05-21T23:03:00.000-06:00

Got our tickets for Pirates!! Thursday at 8pm.

The Summer Movie Bonanza is well under way.
Shrek 3 was dissapointing, but Spiderman wasn't so bad.
After Pirate's there will be Ocean's 13, Simpsons and Harry Potter.

So many movies, so little time.

another stream of consciousness

2007-05-17T22:30:00.000-06:00

how strange life is sometimes.. fair? unfair? who am I to judge.. but challenging, and ironic, and with strange parallels that pop up when I least expect them. I am here. and you are there. what is it that separates us? time? distance? circumstance? destiny? I'm too much of a realist to believe in fate, but if you believe in it, does that make it real? I hope not.. that would mean that we're not meant to be.. that being apart is part of some greater plan, and that plan is cruel and heartless and unkind.

the silence is deafening & I feel so alone. the alone is different than the alone I had before. the alone is something I chose. the choice was to sacrifice you for them. ... unfair that I had to choose. but more unfair that you never asked me to stay.

msn. icq. aim. yahoo. skype. facebook. blogs. email. so many places. so many ways to stay in touch. but none feel the same. none wipe away my tears or make me laugh. none are there to wrap their arms around me when I ask. none of them bring you to me. none of them help you to know me. they can't - not unless you care enough to know me, and you don't. we both know it.
I wonder who you are. you, who I think about and write to. you who I imagine, you who I try to understand. but you do not ask about me, you do not try to know me. maybe you aren't the you I thought you were. maybe you .. no, I shouldn't say it.

4 days and counting

2007-05-15T23:14:00.000-06:00

I'm listening to the strange new sounds of my whirring dishwasher, and for the first time, in a long time, feeling truly at peace. Bizarre, I know. But the sounds, the whole experience really, signifies the fulfillment It's hard to explain, but having my own home has been my lifelong dream. I suppose it's not that unusual, given my background, but having a place that's mine - a place where I can feel safe and secure and where everything I own will be at arm's reach - is something I never had growing up, and something I've missed since leaving my condo in Edmonton.

As for my condo, it's not quite finished yet, but I have all of my bedroom furniture in place, and I've slept at home for the last 4 nights. My couch has arrived, but the matching chair had to be special ordered and will be another few weeks. Dad bought me a super-huge TV as a housewarming-slash-graduation-slash-birthday present, and Squidge topped it off with the fancy-shmancy Shaw HDPVR box which lets me record up to 20 hours of TV. This has spawned a whole new TV addiction, since I can watch all the late shows without having to stay up for them. Yay.

I picked out some coffee tables from Pier One that I liked, and eventually I would like to get a rug and an entertainment unit to finish off the living room. I will need something with a billion shelves to hold all of my videos & dvds, but it would be worth it just to see them all out of their boxes again.

The kitchen is on hold, since the table & chairs set I chose is back-ordered and will be delivered who knows when. The actual kitchen part is pretty much done, but I've been lazy about buying groceries. I have some of the basics, but if I really stock up on everything, I will have to start cooking again and I'd prefer to feel like I'm still on vacation.

Sorry this was so boring. Nothing to write about these days.. I should just stick to posting pictures maybe.

delivery daze

2007-05-10T17:00:00.000-06:00

Moving into my new condo has been an extended process, involving many cleaning days, shopping excursions and random drop-ins (usually to drop off boxes of misc. Edmonton leftovers). Today, however, the last 2 weeks have finally begun to pay off.

This afternoon, just before noon, my furniture from the Brick arrived. Two guys, who were tiny, imho, schlepped the ridiculously heavy boxes from the truck, in and out of the elevator, and then across the hallway to my end of it. They then unpacked each piece of furniture, assembled the bed frame, and put everything into place for me. They carried the garbage out with them as they left, and they thanked me for choosing the Brick.

Sears, on the other hand, arrived 2 hours later. (Granted, this was within their pre-determined time frame of noon to six). Again, 2 moving guys were waiting for me downstairs when I went to open the front door, but this time, they were remarkably unfriendly, refusing to participate in small talk or any form of communication beyond grunts and hand gestures. I led the way to my apartment, each of them dragging a mattress behind me, and once inside, I gestured to the bedroom where the freshly assembled bed was waiting. At this point, one of the 2 Sears delivery guys turned to me with the following mover's urban legend.

We no longer unpack mattresses as part of our service. We'll bring them as far as your room, but we will not rip the plastic off for you. Why? Well, because there was a mover out East that was delivering a mattress set to a customer. At the time, the customer was helping out, and must have cut himself on one of the staples. The mover, also managed to cut himself, on the same staple. Low & behold, the mover developed AIDS from said blood transfer, and as a result, Sears' movers are no longer expected to unpack the furniture they deliver.

Well. There you have it. Evidently, this mysterious mover out East was able to accurately trace back his contraction of HIV to this one isolated dangerous staple event. Do I believe this? Hell no. Do I assume this was just a lazy and socially-inept mover's attempt at getting out of doing his job? Hell yes. Do I care? Not really. Instead, I did the work myself, and I now have a fully furnished bedroom complete with a staple-free mattress set.

a decorating plan

2007-05-07T22:12:00.000-06:00

A few of you have asked, and I will post photos of my new place soon -- but not until after the furniture arrives and I have actually moved in (current plan: Thursday). For now, though, the shopping extravaganza continues, and my car is slowly filling with odds and ends that I will eventually have to unpack. There are still boxes of goodies lining my bedroom at Dad's place, and my grandmother's garage, but those too will slowly make their way south to Evergreen, my new suburban neighborhood.

This afternoon, as I made my drug-induced way through HomeSense, I came across an aisle carrying row after row of picture frames. I was hit with inspiration, or at least, it felt like inspiration at the time.

I have decided that in place of cheap Ikea art & the soul-sucking mass-produced posters from Imaginus this time around, I'd like to frame pictures of each of you, and photos that you have taken. It will be nice to feel surrounded by art that represents something & hopefully inspires my writing. So please, please, go through your albums and send me copies of the photos that you are most proud of. I want pictures you've taken, and pictures of yourselves that will not make you wince.

I want your art, and I want it on my walls!

Imagini - VisualDNA

2007-05-04T23:39:00.001-06:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Facebook - a blog entry especially for Carter

2007-05-02T21:37:00.000-06:00

Ms. Dushane:

I hereby cordially invite you to get your web-addicted ass over to facebook.com and sign up already. Let's see if I can relieve your irrational (or quite possible rational) fears, and introduce you to the world of high school pain, drunken wall posts, and social networking that has taken the internet by storm.

Ok, that being said, let's explore the reality that -is- Facebook (FB).

First Encounters
Approximately 9 months ago, when I had gotten back from Japan and moved back home, I was hit with the realization that sometime during my year abroad, Squidge (my brother) had become more of an net-o-philiac than I am. He introduced me to the now infamous FB, describing it as MySpace, with a twist. He was eager for me to join. Why? Simply enough, he & his friends were competing to see who could have the most 'friends'. To help boost his numbers, I signed up, and spent a few hours filling out my profile info. To this day, I never found out who won between Steve & his friends, but in the mean time, FB has become a daily part of my internet life.

The Skinny
What can you actually do & not do with FB?

You Can:
- control who has access to your profile, your newsfeed (which tracks changes you make to your profile, messages you leave on friends' walls, and pictures you upload or which you are tagged in), and you can control what information is available to applications built using the Facebook Platform.

- block someone's access to finding you in searches. BUT, you can only block a FB user. There are no preemptive blocking capabilities yet.

- join various groups showing your support (or distaste) for different causes, world issues, or just random silliness

- post notes which are basically blog entries which your friends can read and comment on

- send private messages to both friends and users that you are not officially friends with

- accept or reject individual friend requests, although, as far as I know, FB will not actually report that a request has been rejected.

You Cannot:
- find any information about a user that they have not actually put onto FB themselves

- (sorry, there's not really much more that you can't do.. or at least nothing else that I can think of. FB is unbelievably interactive, and users seem to range in the amount of information they share, time they spend online, and methods of interaction)

And some FB Propaganda - straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak.
The following is taken from the FB Press Page.

Facebook is a social utility that enables people to understand the world around them. Facebook develops technologies that facilitate the spread of relevant information through social networks, allowing people to share information online the same way they do in the real world. Facebook is made up of many networks - individual schools, companies or regions - each of which are independent and closed off to non-affiliated users. To join Facebook, people can authenticate into a school or work network, or they can join a regional network. They can then create profiles to connect with friends, share interests, join groups, send messages, write notes and post photos.
Facebook gives people control over what information they share and with whom they share it. Using Facebook's privacy settings, people can limit the information visible to someone or block that person from seeing them completely. The ability to control their information means people can stay current with their friends and the people around them in a trusted environment.

Facebook launched in February of 2004 and the website now has over 21 million active users across over 47,000 regional, work-related, collegiate and high school networks. According to comScore, Facebook is the sixth-most trafficked site in the United States and the number one photo-sharing site.

FB in the Media
I think, despite my own enamoured opinions, and some internal propaganda, it would only be fair to share some of the less popular opinions of FB that are roaming their way along the internet. Here are a couple of articles I found online that I think are worth a read, especially with your particular net-stalker experience.

Life Experience: Opening a Facebook account for the first time [Canadian Press]

"The utterly faceless aspect of Facebook bothered me the most. When a close friend told me about a significant event in her life in a short Facebook message, I realized she probably would have called to let me know if I didn't have an account. I saw myself taking similar shortcuts because I didn't have time, because it was easy, because at least this little contact was better than nothing.
But I realized that if I lost touch with some people from high school, maybe it happened for a reason. And I knew I would keep in touch with my closest friends regardless of Facebook.
So I deleted the account. At first I thought I'd committed social suicide, but days went by and I didn't miss it. Facebook won't miss me, either."

The Wrong Profile [Montreal Mirror]

"I had just about become bored with the site when, two weekends ago, I discovered I had a Facebook impostor. I was shocked. And intrigued. And hooked. An old friend had invited me on his network, and as I looked over his list of Facebook contacts, there was another Samer Elatrash. This one had uploaded a picture of me he found on the Web to his profile.

I called up my friend, whom I hadn’t seen for more than a year. “Why is there another Samer on your friend list?” I briskly asked.

“I thought you had two profiles,” he responded.

“I have one,” I said. “Couldn’t you tell which one was real?” He couldn’t."

Some FB Statistics
Statistics, according to FB.
& according to the National, these are some statistics in Canada.

2 million users
grows by 100,000 new users a week
500,000 users alone in Toronto makes this the world's largest network

And that, my dear Carter, is the sum of my advice to you regarding Facebook. It's an online social network that has taken the internet by storm, and which makes it possible to access some of the more personal aspects of lives both near and far. It offers the illusion of privacy, while making it possible to find and be found by nearly anyone, which can be taken as both a good and a bad.

Should you join? Only you can decide. I know that I for one, would love your occasional wall posts and I can just imagine the poking wars... but for quality communication, I'm not sure FB is the answer.

the beginning of the end of the beginning*

2007-05-01T17:27:00.000-06:00

2 days and counting. My room is nearly packed and my days are full., but my heart is trapped in a web of confusion. I'm moving home... aren't I? But, what if Edmonton became home when I wasn't looking? My friends are here. My life is here... I'm not sure that family is enough anymore? Not after so many years apart.

I keep telling myself that this move doesn't have to be permanent. Calgary can be a stepping stone between my past and my future, even if I don't know what future is in store for me just yet.

~~~

I think there might be something inherently 'off' about me. Lately, I find myself eager to spend my time doodling, but out of an ironic peculiarity, the only thing that seems to pour onto the page are words. I don't really understand -- how can doodling be so difficult? Isn't doodling, by its very nature, an absent-minded form of expression (much like humming)? Isn't it supposed to be one of those things that anybody can do?

And I should clarify: I don't mean that my doodles are boring or trite, but rather, when I am sitting through a boring conference lecture, or daydreaming by a sunny window, or lost in front of the TV, even though I'll sit with a pad of paper and a pen within my grasp, it is only by a conscious effort that any shapes make their way onto the page.

I wonder if this is some strange side effect of not being absent-minded? I suppose I have a bizarre habit of focusing particularly closely to what people are saying, but shouldn't doodling still be a natural form of expression of my subconscious?

I am incapable of doodling**.

~~~

At the conference this morning, one of the lecturers sat down between myself and Dreads. He said something that was sweet in an uncomfortable and inappropriate sort of way. I think he's just having one of those days where the buffer between inner-monologue and outward speech went out for a coffee break, but it was still nice to hear. God knows he's got a harem of school-girls that make their way through the halls every year in hopes of his praise, but I look to him for guidance, friendship, and mostly just a snappy comeback to my random cracks as we pass each other in the Department. I admire his recent candor and openness to the thoughts and opinions of those around him, and hope one day to adopt the general ease with which he carries himself through life. Email King, I'm not sure if you've dared to visit my blog, but I still want to say Thank You. So, Thank You.

~~~

"The mirror can only reflect the real mask, not the real self."
-- Keiko MacDonald

~~~

I wonder what life would be life as a grad student. Over the last 2 days, the University of Alberta hosted a Grad Conference in East Asian Studies. 15 lectures ranging from linguistics to translation to literature and cultural studies, all related to this year's theme "conflict, crisis and negotiation." As with any series of lectures, some were more engaging than others, but all were impressive - at least those that I was able to attend. But, despite all of the intellectual discourse I was exposed to over my final days in Edmonton, what I've taken away from the experience speaks more to my true nature than anything else.

Imagine being interested in something; in a topic that inspires you enough to want to learn as much as you can about it. Imagine researching and analyzing said topic long enough that your friends & academic peers begin to recognize you as a sort of expert in the field. Imagine an institution believing in you, in your inspiration and in your intellectual potential, to the extent that they encourage you to complete your MA studies with them and pay you handsomely to do so.

Now, imagine all of the potential and all of the opportunities that could come along with it: public lectures, publications, and an elitist social circle with which to debate, discuss and develop together, invitations and Trans-Canadian flights to share your thesis and intellect with like-minded individuals.

Not really a future to look down on, is it?

Then again, as my oh-so-encouraging uncle pointed out, these days, in Calgary, Tim Horton's is always hiring.

How am I supposed to believe in myself when my own family doesn't believe in me?

~~~
* I stole this title from a Smashing Pumpkins song. I can't remember the song for the life of me, but the title always struck a chord.

** For Lora's eyes only! (with the exception of course of a certain speculatory name over and over. I feel like I'm 12 years old)

yay

2007-04-28T01:44:00.000-06:00

I just got home from a long long day of conferencing and drinking "with a J", but before I passed out, wanted to say that the one lonely but silly little email that I had in my inbox tonight filled me with a burst of happyness that is still radiating out of my pores. I haven't felt this happy in such a long time, and its probably a culmination of all the happiness and parties and reunions today, but still worth sharing.

yay happiness. yay silly email. yay.

A Godzilla Prank

2007-04-26T23:00:00.001-06:00

I was pleasantly surprised this morning to find my computer in working order. I only had a precious few minutes before I was supposed to leave for school, but decided that a functioning operating system is such a rarity these days, it was worth it to stay behind and catch up on some email. My UAlberta account was bedlam. Nearly 2 dozen emails, all sorts of messages being sent back and forth between the Email King, Double Wong and Yukari-Sensei. I guess organizing and chairing a conference, even one as small as this one, takes an unbelievable amount of organization and communication. Somehow, I've managed to volunteer my last 2 days worth of time to the conference, and as a result, my email inbox has been taken over by the most minute of details. No big deal I suppose, but since my laptop is dying on me, this has become slightly problematic.

My second inbox, gmail, which I manage to check more often, was plastered top to bottom with Facebook messages. These don't really bother me, but I wish there was a way to delete them all at once. Instead, I have to click the little check box next to every individual message, wall post, poke and tag mention before I can toss them away. Luckily, despite my slight hangover, and my sleep deprivation, I noticed an email hiding in the midst of the Facebook entries. Murasaki had initiated a prank. Not just any prank, mind you, but a continuation of endless pranks between herself, the Email King, and a number of other students who thankfully graduated last year. It would seem that while I was busy trying to survive my way through Japan, Murasaki & company were busy plastering a certain professor's door with dilapidated attempts at Godzilla origami.

With all of the conference prep happening these days, my interactions with said professor have increased tenfold. I suppose Murasaki, as isolated as she is in Japan, has been feeling nostalgic and perhaps a little left out. Not to be deterred, she put together a little surprise for our prof, and sent it off with the following instructions:

I'm feeling a little restless in Japan...

It's been a little while since I've gone a-pranking.

Assist me in this matter and I will reward you beyond your wildest dreams.

Instructions:

1. Open the attachment
2. Print off the document you find inside
3. Deliver it, as is, to The King
4. Use whatever means necessary, although waiting until AFTER he's done the bulk of his duties for the conference would probably be best. Don't tape it to his door; slide it underneath. (Be discreet!)
5. Do not tell him who it's from, even he threatens you with a stapler. He'll know without being told.
6. Coordinate your effort, as there only needs to be a single print-off. Whether you execute delivery alone or together is up to you. Bonus points for creativity.

Mwah-hah. MWAAaaHHHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhaaa
aah!

K.

It was with only the slightest smirks teasing at the corner of our mouths that Lora & I partook in Murasaki's prank. We printed her photo, and waited until we thought the coast was clear. Despite the Email King's door being open nearly all day, we came back from lunch* to find it shut, and took advantage of the moment to slide his new goody under the door. It took barely a moment before we could hear an amused grunt escaping from the depths of the Email King's lair. We tried to look innocent as the light from his office quickly poured into the hallway, but couldn't keep the laughter in very long when he quickly, but assuredly, posted his notice up on the mini-bulletin board outside the office door. The end result to an overnight-prank reaching across the Pacific is almost as perfectly amusing as the mischeviousness with which Murasaki planned it to begin with. Almost.

~~~

*Lunch is a whole other story for a whole other day.. But to everyone who came, who feasted, and who shared their hugs, you are Princes.

親の問題

2007-04-26T17:23:00.000-06:00

日本に行ったときに、私は親にブローグのアドレスと言った。それ以来に、両親がブローグを読んだり、内容述べるために電話すろ。その結果、プライバシーを有しないように感じている。問題は、心の何かを有するとき、私はそれについて書く必要だ。私が失恋を有するとき、いかに感じるか把握するために友人とそれを論議したいと思う。両親が読んでいるので、私はこれをすることができない。中心の愛か他の問題について書けなくて、問題はより悪く、よりよくないなっている。

untitled

2007-04-24T22:55:00.000-06:00

comments come so sparingly these days.. I wonder.. am I boring you?

I'm feeling inspired to write short anecdotes. I always feel like this after reading Vinyl Cafe. The little stories make me laugh and cry and I wonder if I will ever be eloquent enough to have that affect with my writing. Not that it matters really.. what I write, I write for me. What I blog, is for you, but since you seem uninterested these days.. maybe its time to get back into the habit of writing for me.

random thought? I want to see Lora in her blue sequined dress.

New beginnings? I hope so.

2007-04-24T00:21:00.000-06:00

I'm done.

How strange to be able to say that, but still have no clue what it really means. My University life is over. The lifestyle I have grown so accustomed to, will change. The friends I've made, the relationships I've formed.. those will last.. won't they?

It's never easy saying goodbye. Some of them say it's not truly 'goodbye', and I try to convince myself that they are right. Some of them will be a part of my life forever. But will I be a part of theirs? No way to tell. No way to know.

Richard says I have attachment issues. That these are normal for "kids of divorced families". I don't mind when he psychologizes me, I just mind when he's right. But there are still things I'm too shy to tell even to him. I wonder if he knows anyways? Sometimes I think he can see into my soul, and that miraculously he isn't scared away. Has anyone ever known me like he does? I wonder. So many shared secrets. So many quiet laughs.

I've made a new friend. (well, a friend by my definition at least). Just one more person that I will leave behind, but this means that he will not have the chance to abandon me? Too many times I've been hurt. Too many times I've felt left behind, but maybe I'm drawn to him because this time I won't be hurt? But I enjoy our laughs, and our talks. I wonder if I would have allowed the friendship if I hadn't known I was leaving?

I can't articulate tonight. So many thoughts swirling around. They are each fighting to come out, but none are willing to wait their turn. How strange. Such a rarity, but I wish I had someone to talk to right now. I never want that, and yet, here it is. Someone to talk to. Actually, my friend. I've wanted to talk to him all day, but I've restrained myself. Instead, I spent some time with Michael Moore and Charlton Heston. They may not listen to what I have to say, but they recharge my passion for politics.

Too bad I'm not in the past, working on Whyte. I miss the days of political debate with Amy and Ivan. Sharing POVs with Kris, and feeling ideological. Instead, today, I feel insignificant. Not in a futile way, but somehow, it is comforting. I've lived up to my parents' expectations, and earned them a University degree. The rest; the future.. well now I live for me. Now I get to find my path. Now I get to live the life I never knew I was meant for. Now, I live for me.

I'm done.

cell phone surrealism

2007-04-21T12:11:00.000-06:00

I got a call last night from Squidge. He was super-excited to tell me about his latest purchase: a blackberry.

During the day, his cell phone died, for no apparent reason. (I'm fairly certain this -wasn't- the phone that he accidentally dropped in the toilet?) A quick visit to Telus ended his relationship with them in no uncertain terms. When they mentioned the little detail that his contract was over long before he thought it would be, he happily sauntered across the mall to Roger's, where he began getting cozy with his blackberry.

Imagine my surprise when his story didn't end there. While he was sitting at Roger's filling out his new contract, Dad walked into the store. Unbeknownst to Stephen, Dad had decided to stop at Telus on his way home from work. His cell phone has also been encountering problems lately, and he wanted Telus to send it in to be repaired. Telus was happy to do so, but they had no loaner phone to offer him during the interim. Since Dad needs his phone for work purposes, he was unimpressed with the situation. He too, walked across the mall to Roger's hoping for a new phone, new contract, and an improved level of customer service. Running into Stephen was just gravy, since they both ended up getting the same phones, same plans, and were able to keep their same phone numbers.

So, in one day, three Plucers ended up with three unplanned new cell phones.

the proverbial day from hell

2007-04-20T19:07:00.000-06:00

Somehow, I misplaced my phone. I'm pretty sure I didn't just "set it down" somewhere and stupidly forget about it, but since it's gone, there's not much sense in beating myself up.

Instead, I called FIDO right away and put a lock on my phone #. They apparantly have no way of telling me if anyone has been using the phone, but I am responsible for any extra charges that might show up on the next bill. (The Fuckers.)

I ran to the mall and picked up a new phone. Since it's the only way to keep in touch with me - other than Facebook, apparantly - I didn't think it was worth waiting until I get home next weekend.

So, my phone number is the same, but I have no access to my old phone book. If you want to get in/keep in/stay in touch, please call me, email me or send me your numbers via carrier pigeon.

Thanks.

A Sherwood Park Adventure

2007-04-17T21:12:00.000-06:00

When Lora's name flashed across my cell phone screen this morning, I knew our day was not going to go as planned. Instead of waking up early and catching the bus, she'd slept in (about time, too) and would be spending the day at home, lost somewhere between the waves of procrastination and productivity that seem to plague us all this time of year. Since I needed to borrow her textbook, she invited me over to join her, for a pseudo-study session.

My first visit to Lora's began normal enough I suppose. I was given the grand tour, where I bore witness to so many objects and relics from Lora's past. The blue sequined desk hanging in the closet.. the dusty trophies from so many years of dance competitions.. the innumerable paintings and artistic creations that poked out of nearly every nook and cranny. It was as though I'd been given a key to the past where so much of her childhood and growing pains were on display for the curious passer-by. Of course, I wasn't so much a passer-by as a nosy-friend-who-wanted-to-snoop- even-though-she-should-have-been-studying.

Our afternoon was spent sitting at the kitchen table, with sun shining down on us through the living room bay windows. Studying came in waves, and then fluttered away into nothingness, leaving Lora to wander back and forth from her room, and me to struggle with my final paper, wishing it would somehow write itself.

At times, our chit-chat got the best of us, detouring us from the task at hand, but somehow we managed to progress through mountains of work. At one point, Lora burst out into a fit of laughter. I thought she'd finally gone crazy on me, but this was only her reaction to rhyming poetry printed across the pages of her history book.

Somehow, the matching syllables enraged her to the point of giddy laughter, and composing her own verse in story-time voices. I'm not sure I share her loathing for rhyming poetry (god knows I just loathe poetry whether it rhymes or not), but her reaction to it was a welcome break from the monotony of my linguistics.

As the temperature outside dropped, and the sun began to fade behind the clouds, Lora's parents came home, and dinner was soon on the table. I told stories of my roommates and future home between tasty mouthfuls of home cooked food. I supported Lora's plans to teach English in Japan, much to her mother's dismay, but that was quickly forgiven.

When our meal came to a close, and our bellies satiated, homework again seemed to represent an unyielding force. I decided to return home, where I could finish my paper amidst my billowy quilt and fuzzy plush dolls. Our farewell, as it were, was not to end my Sherwood Park Adventure. Instead, as Lora and I said goodbye, her mother delivered a packed lunch into my hands. Thus, when the stars are out and my stomach gurgles for food in the wee hours of the night, I will explore the brown paper bag that now sits quietly in my fridge. Until then, Sherwood Park, I say adieu.

meeting with the 'King'

2007-04-16T16:49:00.000-06:00

Imagine my surprise when I made my way through a deserted East Asian Department this afternoon. The hallway was quiet enough to hear the sound of my feet padding their way towards the Email King's office, and it was strangely disconcerting. I miss the gentle rustlings of people sorting through papers, the voices of students trying to converse in other languages, and the quiet gurgling of the coffee pot in the kitchen. Without it, the East Asian hallway felt like any other hallway on campus, and I felt like I was somehow getting a glimpse into the future.

Rumour has it, confirmed rumour that is, that the East Asian Department will be moving this fall. No longer will it be in our beloved Old Arts Building. No longer will it be within arm's reach of not one, but two Java Jives. No longer will the sound of organ practices resonate through the halls and offices we've grown so attached to over the course of our undergraduate degrees. Instead, the Department will be moving across campus, to reside in its shiny new academic home.

Pembina Hall, built in 1914, has stood amidst the University of Alberta's growing campus as one of its proudest building. Known best as its home to graduate students, the University received the Heritage Canada Award (1977) for painstaking renovations which preserved the building's original character - marble flooring, oak paneling, open-beam ceiling, and leaded glass windows. Now, nearly a century after its construction, Pembina Hall is under construction similar to that undergone by its neighbours, Athabasca Hall and Assiniboia Hall, more than two decades ago.

It's interesting that there are articles written in protest for the graduate students that have lived in and loved Pembina. These articles mention the communities that developed within its hallways and under its ancient bricks, and the social networking that existed because of the building's location and proximity to classrooms, eateries, and professors. This is interesting to me, because as disappointed as the graduate students of Pembina's past and present seems to similar to the nostalgia I felt walking through the East Asian Department earlier this afternoon.

For over 4 years of studying at the University of Edmonton, my home has been in the East Asia Department on the 4th floor of the Old Arts Building. It's within those hallways and behind those office doors where I've made and built lasting friendships, where I've shared in laughter and tears, and where I've formed some of my happiest college memories. Where else could Lora & I have caused such a scandal by asking permission to use a vacant desk so many semesters ago? What other kitchen could have been my secret access portal to coffee, tea and sake? And which other hallway could have seen so many students tip-toeing their way to the Email King's office door to participate in random shenanigans (much to the chagrin of the dragon lady behind the reception desk)?

I'm so fortunate to have had the Department for my university career, and so equally fortunate that I will be graduated before the official move takes place. I'm sure Pembina will have its benefits for the Department and the future students of Japanese and East Asian Studies, but for me, the 4th floor of Arts will always be home.

another overdue haircut

2007-04-14T13:23:00.000-06:00

end of the year gatherings

2007-04-12T22:08:00.000-06:00

At 5:00 exactly, I felt my mobile vibrating against my thigh. Class should have ended 10 minutes earlier, but with Chee only halfway through his presentation, I sat back and tried to console my grumbling belly. During this entire semester, we'd gotten out of class on time exactly twice, and there was no reason to expect our last class to be one of the exceptions.

Finally, at 5:15, after nearly jumping out of my seat to run for the hills, K-sama finally released us from her class. Granted, it was with a sincere "enjoy your summers" but still; we just wanted to get out of there! Dragging Chee by the pully-thing on his knapsack, I led him down the stairs and eventually over to the dreaded PowerPlant with Lora & another girl in tow.

After pulling a few tables together, and joining the crowd that had surrounded a certain elusive professor, who actually referred to himself tonight as the "Email King", Lora, Chee & I found ourselves staring wistfully around the wait-staff-less restaurant. After nearly 20 minutes, and at the suggested behest of the Email King, the three of us trudged off in search of beer. After placing our orders, and sweet talking a waitress into visiting our table a few more times throughout the night, we sat back to celebrate the end of the school year.

Conversations jumped (as they do) from topic to topic, but generally strayed somewhere between talking about The Department, and just general tom-foolery. At one point, I was flipping through the pages of SEE Magazine checking up on movie listings for this weekend, and Chee pointed at a photo on one of the personal ads and exclaimed "that looks like my Mom!". What could I do besides guffaw and then begin the laughter than wouldn't quit all night? The ad he'd pointed to wasn't so much a personal ad as an ad for a late night telephone service, and I'm fairly confidant that the bikini-clad blond bimbo offering to "chat" with us, looks nothing like his Mom. To be sure, I whipped out my camera (thank goodness I never leave home without it) and snapped a picture of Chee and the magazine. I'm pretty sure there's no family resemblance. ;o)

The PowerPlant kicked us out around 7 - I guess they were charging cover for the live band tonight - but not before I'd had the chance to have a decent conversation with the Email King. I got some career advice, some opinions about my future, and finally made arrangements to meet in his office next week, to talk about reference letters. He seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say about The Department and was candid with his answers on the topic. We talked about facebook and ratemyprofessor.com, and the semi-obsessive way that some professors seem to worry about their image among students. And, to my surprise, he seemed curious about what each of us (Lora, Chee & myself) blog about, but only in a mildly interest, and not in the I'm-going-to-rush-home-and-google-you, sort of way.

As the PowerPlant was kicking us out, Neill & Ross, were just arriving, and we quickly decided to head off to another watering hole. The Email King had headed home, but the rest of us made our way towards Earls. The crowd waiting for tables was discouraging, so instead we ended up at Avenue Pizza. Over a couple of pitchers, and the next few hours, I divided my time between encouraging Neill's never-ending sexual euphemisms, and trying to protect Chee's innocence that was slowly being whittled away (amidst various head, foam, jaw and other side-splitting jokes).

When our gathering slowly broke up, I sauntered my way home, stumbling only slightly, but content with the night of celebrating that completed my university career. I still have one paper to write, and a couple of final exams, but classes are done, stress levels are on their way back to normal, and I've managed to nestle my way into a comfortable group of friends that I will have to say goodbye to shortly.

The world, as they say, is as it should be.

bliss

2007-04-11T11:57:00.000-06:00

The ground is covered in snow, papers and final exams loom ahead of me, but I can hear birds chirping outside. The silence in the house, and the signs of spring are making me happy.

2 more days & I'll never have to sit through a university class ever again.

roommate woes

2007-04-09T00:23:00.000-06:00

The last few days have been full of ranting roommates and excitements better left unsaid until at least May when I move out of this crazy abode. But just an amusing sidenote, I finished up a movie and went to wash up for the night, and AJ was sprawled out on the sofa snoring louder than I've ever heard him. I turned on a couple of lights, and couldn't help but giggle a bit at the sight of him: belly down, face smooshed into a pillow, one leg up on the side of the couch, and the other sprawled to one side on the coffee table. He'd had the energy to turn the TV off, but never made it up the stairs.

I wonder if he'll be there all night? I can hear the snoring from my room. SMIRK

passing thoughts as the hour hand rotates

2007-04-06T22:08:00.000-06:00

Today was a good day. For the first time in what feels like forever, I got to be alone.

Not alone in my room with the noisy roommate messing around in the kitchen, and not alone walking down the street with my headphones in, but actually alone.

For three solid hours, there was no roommates, no chaos, no distractions, not even a sound to be heard, and I finally let myself unwind enough to feel comfortable in my own skin.

These last 4 months have been so hard. So fiercely unrelenting that sometimes I have felt as though it has eaten away at any of the happiness I could have found this semester. Friends haven’t been what I remembered them to be, Edmonton hasn’t been the home I thought it was. I don't know if they changed or if it was me, but either way I feel so disconnected from those I need the most.

I miss inspiration.

I miss happiness.

Strangely, I’m feeling really melancholic tonight.

I know that my life is moving forwards, a little faster than I was ready for, and I’m afraid of what's been left behind.

Is it possible that going to Japan was the biggest mistake of my life? How strange that something I dreamt of doing for such a long time ended up messing up so many of the good things.

People always ask me why I don’t want to go back. But how can I answer? How could I make them understand that I cry everytime I think about leaving... everytime I contemplate going back...

I’ve already lost so many of the people I cared about the first time – I’m not strong enough to lose them again.

I feel how distant we are.

I feel that emptiness when we’re together, moreso than when we’re apart.

So many people and faces from the past. Our lives have moved in such opposite directions, that we don’t belong together anymore, and that’s so impossible for my heart to comprehend.

Maybe this silence; this blessed moment of isolation, can help?

Is 3 hours enough to relieve the pain inside my chest?

. . . . .

And as though an invisible stopwatch has been counting down in the distance, I hear a key turning in the front door. My privacy; my seclusion, my shelter will be violated again, and I have no choice but to hide once more.

does anybody actually read this anymore?

2007-04-04T11:53:00.000-06:00

I didn't get enough sleep last night. It's been a while since I've had to come to school while I feel like my head's going to implode, but it figured that it would happen on the day when I have to put on a presentation.

Today is History. I have to present for 20 minutes or so on the paper I'm supposed to write next week. What is the logic of presenting a paper you haven't written yet? This assignment is ridiculous. This whole class has been a waste of my time and energy. I wish I had more control over the classes I got to take this term, because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have chosen any of the 'required' core classes that I got stuck with.

Linguistics. Ugh. The only thing I learned in the entire term was how much I dislike linguistics. We are expected to do our own research, analyze it and put together a presentation (again before writing our paper) and then write a final paper. Did we do anything over the course of the semester to teach us how to accomplish this? Of course not. All we did was read a different journal article for each class and then pick it apart.

Our teacher's favorite line: what are the pedagogical implications of this research find?

The answer? There isn't any. We have no control over curriculum development, and as students, we have no control over individual teaching styles. So what is the purpose of the entire class? I think Neill's got the right idea - renaming the class Impractical Japanese Linguistics.

My politics class hasn't been so rough. But, my prof wants to teach it about as much as I want to be up for a 10 am class every Monday. The semester has been divided up into weekly presentations of different topics and issues, and aside from the week I had to present, I've been able to coast through without doing any of the readings or even paying attention in class. In fact, I'm writing this while sitting in my last Poli Sci lecture. Today we met in the Telus Ctr on campus instead of our usual classroom. It's a pretty sweet conference room - cushy chairs, plug-ins for our computers, and a nice big boardroom conference table that we're all sitting around. Too bad we couldn't have had our classes in here all year.

My head really hurts.

Today's presentation is gonna suck.

strangenesses

2007-04-01T19:17:00.000-06:00

I'm not really sure why, but when I got in the car and drove to 7-11 (because as you know, slurpees make everything better) a few minutes ago, I suddenly burst out in song - Offspring "Bad Habit"

It wasn't on the radio.. but perhaps it was in response to AJ's incessant playing of Kansas "Dust in the Wind" on his PC even though HE'S NOT EVEN HOME. grrr.

Have I mentioned how much I hate living with people?

At least when I ask people if it's April yet, they can finally say YES!

Bad Dave. Bad!

2007-03-31T23:24:00.000-06:00

I wish I had the words to express the bizarreness of my last 15 minutes.

I was sitting in front of my laptop, working on my paper when I heard a familliar vibrating somewhere under the blanket. I pushed all my books onto the floor and flipped the comforter over to grab my phone, in time to see that I had a new text message from an unknown number.

Confused, I opened it to read

"i heart you cori"

???

Before I could even begin to guess who was behind this I got a 2nd message.

"you've touched me in ways I've never been touched before."

I think I spent the next few minutes just sort of staring at the phone waiting for the punchline. When it didn't come, I wrote back a pretty straight forward

"who is this?"

and then the piece de resistance:

"sincerely dave"

Who is this sincerely dave you might ask? Well, he's Lora's best friend, who happens to be very gay, and very committed to his boyfriend, OR SO I THOUGHT! Lora, you tell that boy that even if he's secretly pinning away for me, I refuse to be held responsible. Even if his heart is slowly breaking and his blood is growing thin waiting for the next time our eyes meet, he's out of luck. We're done. Kaput. Finito.

That boy's got something evil coming to him, I tell ya.

If this is what comes of him & Lora getting together, then I will deny him joint custody and take Lora back by force! Birthday or no birthday. Harumph.

hee hee

2007-03-29T09:57:00.000-06:00

originally psted on PostSecret

Markham Bridge

2007-03-27T20:29:00.001-06:00

Markham Bridge
Originally uploaded by Auraelius.

I don't know what's more remarkable.. that someone somewhere designed a road like this, or that they did it in a city (Portland) that obviously has no traffic what-so-ever.

信じられない！

repost: meeting Bobu-chan

2007-03-26T14:21:00.002-06:00

This dog is taking matters into his own 'hands'.

Since Carter has asked me to tell her about dear old Bobu-chan, I thought I'd better repost the video to illustrate the story I'm about to tell. Early last July, when I was enjoying the onset of summer in Japan, I got to partake in a Japanese Home Stay. This was extra exciting to me because the first one had been somewhat disappointing, and I was happy to get the break from end-of-the-school-year stress [much like right now, when I should be writing papers!].

At the time, I started writing a blog entry, but got so busy that I never finished it. Now, for Carter's viewing pleasure, I will post the blog entry that never was:

Saturday morning began a little bit earlier than I had been expecting. After karaoke the night before, I looked forward to my 6 hours of sleep, but Jose was having none of that. At 9:15, my phone rang to announce a text message. 15 minutes later, Jose phoned me with the exciting news that he was at the station, and since he was up, I should be up! The brat! But, as you all know, I am not someone to let a little thing like a wake-up call keep me from another precious hour of sleep, so I rolled back over and buried my head under the pillow until my alarm went off at 10:30.

When I stepped off the train at Honda Eki, my host mother 見上夢子さん (Mikami Yumeko-san) was waiting for me with a little surprise. All of the forms I had received in preparation for the weekend did not include any warning about Bobu-chan, but luckily, I'm a dog person and was happy to meet the little guy. We introduced ourselves, and then Yumeko-san chatted happily about the weather as we made our way out to the car. I was a little surprised when she opened the front seat and helped Bobu-chan up. Then as we turned towards the rear, I was introduced to my host grandmother, who we just referred to as お祖母ちゃん (Obaachan). She has problems with her legs and as a result, waited in the car, but of everyone over the entire weekend, she was the most interested in me and the warmest member of the family. From the moment I sat down next to her in the car, until our farewells the next day, she barely left my side, asking questions and telling me things about her life, her family, and her opinions about me.

The 4 of us then drove to a pastry shop where my host-mother picked up some goodies for dessert, and then we drove home. I'm still amazed at the sight of a Japanese traditional-style home. The Mikami home was no exception, although I think the house was bigger than most traditional homes used to be. While Yumeko-san (host-mother) parked the car and led Bobu-chan through the back door, Obaachan and I were let out at the front gate, and she took my arm (I mentioned her leg problems, right?) and led me through the front garden up to the house. I couldn't resist taking a few pictures, although they hardly illustrate the wonder that a Japanese Garden holds for me. I suppose growing up in Canada with a backyard usually full of snow, slush, or dead patches of grass (because they have been deprived of sun for 10 months at a time) keeps the mystery alive.

Lunch was served at their kitchen table, (sadly, it was as Western as can be, with 4 chairs, clutter and a Lazy-Susan for all their spices/condiments in the corner. Afterwards, I got a tour of the house, which included 3 split-levels, each with balcony's offering different views of the neighborhood. The main level was my favorite, since it was where they had all of the Japanese-style rooms. First, my bedroom. This was a tatami room, which had it's own air conditioner and a door to the outside. There was also a raised platform (about 2 inches above the tatami) with a vase full of flowers. (it is similar to the one in my picture below). The room was so peaceful, that I almost didn't want to leave it, but there was so much more to see.

The kitchen was very Western-style. They had a dishwasher, which I hadn't seen before in Japan, and they had more cupboard space than my parents' homes back in Canada. Off the front of the kitchen, they had a living room with a couple of sofa's and a TV, which was turned on the second we got into the house, and stayed on for the extent of my visit. This was virtually Bobu-chan's room - on the sofa, he had a special bed which he slept in. The arms of both sofas had indents from Bob's head where he would rest it between naps. And this was where the infamous video took place.

I made the mistake of sitting down next to Bobu while my host-mother was preparing lunch. It was one of the rare times when Obaachan wasn't by my side, and I thought I'd bond a little bit with the family dog since it was the first I'd seen since mine passed away. But, as I reached for Bob's head to scratch behind his ears, he started panting and well.. let's just call it 'scratching' himself.

What could I do? I stared. And then I looked away. And then out of curiosity, I looked to see if he was still going at it. He was, and I backed up while I pulled out my camera. I took a video on my keitai, and realizing that wouldn't be clear enough for the blog, I snapped another with my digi-cam. It would seem that there was no satisfying end to Bobu's self-(ummm....)gratification, but I didn't wait around to find out.
...

The rest of my tour brought me to the back of the house, where Yumeko-san had her own private craft room. This was another tatami room, similar to the bedroom I would be staying in, but had a low table set up in the center. Here, my host-mother and Obaachan explained to me that they had originally planned to have their come to teach me sensei come to teach me ikebana, but she had called the night before to tell them they were sick. Instead, they had tried to draw out a diagram for me to follow while they explained the art of Japanese Flower Arranging.

In the end, they both seemed impressed with my arrangement, but I'm sure that was just the Japanese way of being excessively polite. I did my best to listen to what they said, but most of the complicated Japanese terms for aesthetic beauty were lost on me. I still enjoyed the experience, as much as one can enjoy flower arranging anyways, and I was happy that they had shared this part of Japanese culture with me.

That night, when the rest of my host-family came home, we were treated to a delicious meal of Soba with tempura'd vegetables and seafood. I had so much fun talking with my host-brother and his fiance, both of whom were constantly asking me about Canada and wanting me to teach English. They all seemed to enjoy explaining new words to me, and wouldn't let me use my dictionary except when I was trying to explain something to them.

That night, after dinner and lots of chatting, I had a fabulously long bath in the private ofuro, and then nestled in to sleep in my futon which had been set up for me. I'm not sure how long I slept, but I woke the next day, the whole family was up and eager to get out of the house.

Our destination was an exclusive golf & country club which had a breakfast/lunch buffet that is on par with the Banff Springs Hotel Sunday Brunch. There were so many choices, even at the automatic beverage bar, that I was in awe. I had been hoping for a simple home-made breakfast, but this was more than I could have dreamed. I ate so much, I think they must have thought I'd been starving before hand, but the food looked too good to resist.

After lunch, we went for a walk around the grounds. There were more beautiful Japanese gardens, and artificial waterfalls surrounding the clubhouse. We found a small building that let us sneak past a wedding party to see the ancient art on the 2nd floor, and although my host-mother tried to explain who's art it was, I couldn't remember the name by the time I got home to write it down.

From the clubhouse, we were driving back towards town when my host-father pulled over on the side of the road. I was confused, and wasn't sure what was going on, but obediently followed the family as they ran across the street. I quickly realized what had happened when my host-mother handed me an empty basket and a giant sun-hat, and pointed at the blueberry field across the way.

I'd never gotten to pick fruit before, and I ended up having the most fun I'd had in ages. We were shown how to pick the 'best' blueberries, and then given free reign of the field for 20 minutes. Each of us dove in, hoping to fill up our baskets with the juiciest berries, but it was nearly impossible to resist taste-testing. I remember the drive home from the blueberry field fondly; every single one of us had blue teeth.

Anybody hungry?

2007-03-25T19:12:00.001-06:00

Chloe Rachel Bondar

2007-03-24T21:51:00.000-06:00

so..who wants to edit my paper?

2007-03-24T00:28:00.000-06:00

I've been working on this paper for Judaism for the last 3 months, and it's gotten to the point where I can't look at it very objectively. I have so much time and personal interest invested in it (unlike most papers I write for university classes, ahem) that I'm finding it difficult to know what to cut out.

Since the paper length is limited at 8 pages, and I'm currently sitting at 14.. I need some help! I'm actually not even finished, but I figure another hour or two tomorrow and it will be ready for a few helpful folk to hack it to pieces.

Any volunteers?

My usual choice would be Marnie, the English-major Lawyer cousin that lives nearby in Edmonton, but she might be a bit distracted these days, what with her 1 year old and newborn baby. On my way home from school today, I decided to stop by the hospital to visit and check up on them. (I had been waiting all day for a phone call from my Aunt who was supposed to have called at 11:30 to let me know if Marnie was okay with my stopping by. Since she didn't call, I decided to just stop by anyways.. if Marnie didn't want visitors, I'd find out for myself pretty darn quickly.) Since I've spent 3.5 years of my university life down the street from the University Hospital, I naturally assumed that that was there they would be. I found my way to the information desk, and waited patiently for the one receptionist to finish taking calls. She seeemed almost annoyed that I was waiting, and finally turned to stare at me.

Yes?

Umm, hi. Could you please tell me what floor the maternity ward is on?

We don't have a maternity ward.

...(silence)..

Oh, I'm sorry. I must have the wrong hospital.

So.. you can imagine how dumb I felt. Then again, what hospital in this day and age doesn't have a maternity ward?

2007-03-22T20:10:00.001-06:00

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are very passionate and quite temperamental. While you can be moody, you always crave comfort.

You are not a very grounded person. You prefer dreams to reality. For you, it's all about possibilities.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is likely to be filled with great successes and accomplishments. You just need to figure out how to get there.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

LOL

2007-03-21T10:03:00.000-06:00

So, I sent an email to the Japanese Consulate in Calgary to see if they had any job openings, or any suggestions of where to start looking. This was what they wrote back.

Dear Cori,

Thank you for your email. Currently there is only one position available related to this consulate. Actually, it is the position of butler at the Consul-General’s residence. I think you are over-qualified, but if you are interested in this position, please email your resume to this email address. Thank you very much.

Sincerely,

Jeremiah Davies

Public Relations and Cultural Affairs

i miss blogging

2007-03-19T21:18:00.000-06:00

It seems like every time I turn around these days, I'm finding myself immersed in piles of research and readings that never end. I assume that university was always like this.. in fact, I vaguely remember always feeling that the spring semester (Jan. - April) was always the toughest, but after Japan, it's been difficult readjusting back into the Canadian University system.

In Japan, the difficulties were so different. Class work was more like high school. Homework was daily, but not very difficult. If there were any exams, they weren't nearly as stressful or anxiety-inducing as the tests here, mainly because they were never worth a very high percentage, and were always somehow less important than things like regular attendance and generally just being awake during class.

In Canada, of course, university is much more challenging. Of course, I don't mean to suggest that all Japanese universities are easy; I am only reflecting on my own personal experience. Today, for example, I was up at the crack of dawn to try and finish my readings for Politics. I didn't get them done on the weekend because I spent most of that time divided between writing and preparing 3 essays. When I got to school, I sat through my 3 hour seminar class scrambling to write notes as fast as the presenters (our teacher is in China today, so 2 grad students presented) were speaking. It was helpful - mainly because their topic was related to the essay I have to write over the next 2 weeks, and helped me narrow my research focus, but still. I finished class and felt so worn out that I needed a break. I grabbed lunch and headed up to Lora's desk for a quick visit, which we had while we both tried to get research done on our respective computers.

When she left for her literature class, I took advantage of the quiet office space and finished writing my paper outline/proposal for History ("The Evolution of the Death Penalty in Imperial China" which is due on Wednesday) and then headed home, where I started filling in the annotations in the bibliography.

At one point, I talked to AJ (roommate/landlord) for a minute when I heard him in the kitchen, and I got some advice on where to start looking for online papers about renewable energy sources, and then I spent 45 minutes or so downloading references for my politics paper. "Chinese Energy Diversification: the ethanol potential" .

In the meantime, I've been trying to organize my linguistics research plan, because supposedly, Ruth and I will be gathering our guinea pigs together this week to put them to work. That is, of course, assuming we get any volunteers. So far, there hasn't been a single email. It's now 9:30, I haven't heard from Ruth, and I am therefore assuming that I will have to show up at the Japanese class tomorrow morning before my first lecture to try and recruit some volunteers. I wouldn't mind doing it if I didn't have so much else to do, but if I don't hear from her in the next hour, I pretty much have no choice. Irregardless, while we can share research students, and collect data together, I still have to write up my presentation and paper for this class solo. Somehow, I have to find the time (and the motivation) to write about "During Internet Chat with Native Speakers, What Orthographic Choices Do Learners Make?". Basically? I'm looking at when they use Kanji and Katakana, and if they will use the 2 differently based on their Japanese level & their first language background (English or Chinese). It could technically be interesting, but interesting enough to write 20 pages? I doubt it.

While it keeps getting bumped to the low end of my priority list, the Judaism paper is still high on my interest scale. The more reading I've done, the more questions I seem to have than answers, but "Jewish Views of the Afterlife" continues to be a challenging and fascinating essay topic.

Meanwhile, roommate #2 is still driving me up the wall. It's not intentional, but there is definitely a conflict between our lifestyles. The house was a pigsty when I came home on Sunday, and it makes me very tense and frustrated. I end up not wanting to leave my room, which starts to get very claustrophobic after a while, not to mention, boring. But when I open my door to a kitchen full of dirty dishes, leftover food on the counter, and all the other lovely goodies spread out across the floor/table/counters, I just can't keep from clenching my teeth and wanting to scream.

Sigh.

Is it April yet?

In other news, this weekend I made my first official purchase for my new condo, and my new life. Perhaps not the most exciting thing to buy in the world, but I was at the Bay, and found a set of pots & pans that were really nice, and on super sale (55% + 10% for signing up for a Bay Card) so I bought them, and finally feel like my new condo is really happening. Now, instead of spending my (very little bit of) free time reading or playing with Kanji, I will be spending it shopping for all the new furniture and accessories that I will need for my new home. :) :) :)

It occurred to me. In the past, people probably weren't moving out on their own. Instead, they would get engaged, then married, and then move into a home with a new husband, and a gift registry where their friends and family would help buy all the new housewares for them. I thought about starting a gift registry for myself, but then thought maybe that would be too presumptuous? I don't expect gifts from anyone, but both of my parents at least seem to want to buy me stuff to help me out.. and since I'm so particular about what I want/like, I thought maybe a registry would be helpful?

What do you think?

In all honesty, I will be moving into my place with virtually nothing. When I sold the condo in Edmonton, nearly everything I had, I gave away or donated to charity. Eventually I'll get the $ for that through tax returns, but I still get to use this opportunity to buy all new stuff for my place. I've been trying to decide how to decorate .. do I want a central theme? a motley assortment of things? should I stick to one department type store? or shop around choosing things I like from a bunch of places?

There are so many options, and so much that I need & want, that I almost don't know where to start. I guess, because I started with pots & pans, the kitchen will be where I work from, so next on my list, I'll be looking for dishes. Maybe if I can find some free time next weekend, I'll drag Richard out to Home Outfitters & Home Sense, and we can see what's available. Then again, Marnie's scheduled to have her baby on Friday, so I might spend the weekend on call... I doubt she'll call me for anything, but I'll probably stick close to home just in case.

oh man, who comes up with this stuff?

2007-03-16T22:17:00.000-06:00

Just how dumb am I?

2007-03-12T21:58:00.000-06:00

I was reading a paper for my anthropology class, and I encountered an unbelievably long list of vocabulary that had me stumped. Generally, if I come across one or two words in a paper, I can gather their meaning from context and move on, but today.. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a whole lot dumber than I give myself credit for?

concomitant
sententious
hieratic
intemperate
neophyte
perforce
somnolent
spate
innocuous
toponym
mooring
comportment
semiotics
sundry
ideational
ineluctable
diffident
cadence

me and my stoopit sense of responsibility...

2007-03-12T15:46:00.000-06:00

So... when I responded to the email inquiring about my photo, I made the responsible point of mentioning that the picture was taken in Japan, despite being a Chinese Clock.

Now it looks like this may be more of an issue that I thought at first.

Sigh.

Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut?

Then again, the email they sent today ended with "From there, we can discuss in detail a license agreement and payment."

Yahoo!!

btw, since some of you have been asking, the photo in question is this one:

bizarre twist of fate

2007-03-07T17:09:00.000-07:00

So as some of you know.. and some of you don't.. I've developed a bit of a desire to have my writing published, working towards one day writing my own books (probably travel diaries or something related to that). I never really give it much thought, assuming that this will be something that comes later in life after I have a job where I earn enough $ to support my passion.

Imagine my surprise then, when I came home today to an email from Berlitz Publishing asking my permission to use one of my flickr photos.

I never think my photography is anything better than amateur, and they are only asking to potentially use it, but I'll keep you posted with updates.

Oh.. and my History presentation today? I think Shreyo said it best: 45 minutes of hesitation, and an hour and half of uncomfortable silence.

yummy in my tummy

2007-03-06T21:48:00.000-07:00

I had a slurpee today!

(slurpees make life a little less stressful)

2007-03-05T14:00:00.000-07:00

I miss fun.

My Celebrity Look-alikes

2007-03-03T22:11:00.001-07:00

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

Gateway Rantings

2007-03-03T16:57:00.000-07:00

The Gateway is the famed UofA's student newspaper. (okay. .it's probably not famed, but I digress). In the last issue, one article stuck out as possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen the Gateway publish, excluding it's annual Valentine's Day purity test, of course.

The following was written byAndrew Newborn, at 12:10AM Thursday, 1 March 2007. What he says.. well, I don't agree by any means, but I still think it deserves an eye rolling round of applause. Welcome to the land of the ridiculous.

Pets just aren’t worth the risk

You’ve seen it before: someone comes into contact with a domesticated animal, and they explode into a high-pitched, cutesy-voiced tirade about the little critter. They fawn over it, pet it, rub it and cast little bits of personality onto it (“You’re a good boy, aren’t you? Oh yes you are!”). I’m sure that almost everyone has seen hundreds of different cats and dogs in their lives, yet somehow for some it’s a time-stopping orgasmic bliss every single time. But you can’t do anything but roll your eyes, because saying a word of protest would cast you into the realm of social leper.

For me, this alone justifies banning pets in Canada, but there’s a myriad of other reasons as well. Even the most responsible owners can’t control their pets all of the time. For example, being chased by runaway dogs can be terrifying, as once happened to me. I don’t know what kind they were—I just don’t care enough about the various human-engineered pseudo-species to know—but they were large, vicious and angry. My youth has been filled with rogue cats shitting in my parents’ yard, and I anticipate much the same thing once I have a place of my own.

Of course, it’s not just pet owners that are the issue; animals themselves have inherent problems that make them unbearable to share a society with. Like many, I suffer from pet allergies, and it makes visiting other people’s houses difficult. You never know if you’re going to find their home infested with rampaging cats or slow-moving dogs, all bent on attacking with dander rather than teeth. Dogs and birds can also be an extreme annoyance just with their incessant noise-making.

The reasons for actually owning a pet are entirely lost on me, without even considering the cost and responsibility associated with pet ownership. Anthrozoology.org suggests that there are “many psychological benefits animal companionship can give us, including providing security for the anxious, companionship for the lonely and status symbols for the image conscious.” All of which I interpret as “animals are crutches for the weak minded.”

For a person to suggest that they want an animal for their own well-being is similar to a person declaring that they would like a husband or wife—anyone will do, really—just to feel better about him or herself. After all, a person who gets married hopefully doesn’t do it for the psychological benefits.

I can’t help but wonder what the quality of life is like for the average pet. Is a dog that stares at the front door all day waiting for the return of its owner really having that great of a time? Perhaps well behaved pets are simply living with a collective case of Stockholm Syndrome. Boredom must surely be an issue for a bird trapped in a cage or a dog whose daily highlights are eating, walking and shitting.

I suggest banning pet ownership to solve all of these issues. Start by outlawing pet sales by pet stores and breeders. Step up animal shelter efforts, and play fast and loose with their euthanasia policies. Eventually all of the animals currently in captivity will die off, and we can officially outlaw pets once and for all.

I’m not suggesting that anybody stop eating meat, or that we end cattle farming, or any of those other PETA-esque animal lover ideas. I’m all for raising animals for specific, utilitarian purposes—while preferably giving them a bit of room to run around—but keep them out of towns and cities. Things will surely be a cleaner and saner for it.

For the original, check out the Gateway now online.

And on a more personal note.. there was an ad in the same issue of the student's paper this week. It was the announcement of a literary contest that is open to current students with apparantly enough free time on their hands to write/submit an entry into one of the following categories.

short fiction (under 1500 words)
really short fiction (under 150 words)
haiku
sonnet
limerick
photography

I think I want to enter. In fact, I *know* that I want to enter, but I'm not sure if I have the a) time, and b) inspiration to write something by tomorrow, the official due date of the contest. But, I really have nothing to lose - my usual excuse for doing something my beating heart and sweating palms suggest I shouldn't.

Maybe if I submit something, I'll post it for all of you to critique. Then again, maybe I'll just spend my time wisely working on powerpoint presentations (since I have 2 due this week, and one the week after). Or else I'll just be loitering on facebook trying to find new groups to join that might somehow suggest a part of my personality to new faces in the netiverse.

踊り ~ A Night of Japanese Culture

2007-02-28T23:45:00.001-07:00

parasol rear view
Originally uploaded by corisan.

Last night at the UofA's Timms Center, the University of Alberta and the Prince Takamado Centre hosted the Japanese Odori Dancers.

Click here for more info about the upcoming Calgary performance.

editor's comments

2007-02-26T10:22:00.000-07:00

In response to an email I received this morning, I was reminded that my last update missed one important point:

My year in Japan, despite the trials and tribulations, was still one of the most amazing experiences of my life. The chance to live out my dream of visiting Japan.. the opportunity to meet and make friends from all around the world.. I have no regrets.

I still love everyone I met, in spite of how my year ended, and I will have memories from 千葉大学国際交流 for the rest of my life. You each have a special place in my heart and my memories, and I know that we will see each other again one day.

an update on me...

2007-02-25T13:34:00.000-07:00

It seems there is something in the air that's causing people to write updates about their lives... and this is as good an excuse as any to write one about mine.

As most of you know, I found out a few months ago that I would have to return to school for one last semester. As frustrated as I've been, this has turned out to be a positive time in my life, despite a few colourful setbacks.

Being back at university has given me a chance to reconnect with friends that I had lost touch with while in Japan. After the pain and sadness I endured during my year in Japan, it has been such a relief to feel welcomed and appreciated again. I know I put too much stock in the people I met last year, but is has helped me to be thankful for the friends and family I can share my life with again.

Classes and homework have also given me some permanent distractions from thinking about the events of last year. I wish it was enough to save me from what I've become, but I still feel like I'm just a shell of the person I once was. I hope that the time I'm spending in University, and surrounded with people from my past, will help me to slowly become the person I once was, the person I want to be again.

To make this possible, I've made some changes in my life. First and foremost, I forgave Claudia. This wasn't easy, but I burned her letter and let go of the pain it caused me. Next, I have opened myself up to contact with people that I hope will in turn forgive me and re-accept me into their lives. (yes, this means I will start answering emails and spend time chatting again)

Third, and most importantly, I have decided to start living my life again. I am actually eager to graduate now. I want to finish university, and figure out what I want to do as a career. I have bought a new condo, in Calgary, which I will take possession of in May. This means that when I move back home, I will actually have a place to go, and will once again feel like I belong somewhere.

I know this is only the beginning, and I'm sure there will be times that I will be ready to give up, but I have to try. I know I need to be able to count on myself. I want to live and to love and to be free.

memories

2007-02-20T20:52:00.000-07:00

My 9 days in Hawaii were filled with moments and memories that I will cherish for a long time.. I've spent so much of my life living away from my family that the times I get to spend one on one with someone as special to me as my Babi, are precious. Most of these.. well.. a lot of what happened, well, it's private; stories that are best saved for personal reflection and times in the future when I can share them with those I love rather than the prying eyes of (not-so-anonymous) Internet surfers.

What I can share, are some of the highlights which include my favorite moments...

beach side promenade

Day 2, I woke up to my Babi lying quietly beside me. We had decided to share the king size bed - both of us happy to have someone warm to snuggle up next to. She sliced me a papaya while I washed the sleepiness out of my eyes, and then I feasted on the exotic fruit while watching the ocean waves lap against the beach. As the sun rose higher in the sky, we headed out from our Hotel and around the block to explore the jungle that is the Hawaiian Hilton Village. Shops and Boutiques lined the pathway as we crossed the vast hotel lobby, and at the familiar sights, memories from long ago flooding back. After I snapped a picture of a stone frog nestled among a manicured garden, Babi led me to the surprise of my week - a penguin habitat. I watched in awe as the zoo keepers had the little birds perform random stunts and then we carried on our walk, over the pool deck and onto the beach side promenade. I let Babi lead while I took in the sights - the ocean glistening ahead of me, couples practicing Tai-Chi on the beach, and people from all walks of life making their way to and fro along the Hawaiian Boardwalk. Our morning walk ended on the far side of a black stone bridge that stretched from the white sands of Waikiki Beach and cut into the banks of the Pacific. There, Babi stood a few feet ahead of me, stretched her arms up above her head and then returning them back down to her sides. With her eyes closed, she spoke to the ocean. As she meditated and prayed for her family, I almost felt like an intruder, but when she turned around to face me, I saw what I knew would be an image I will always remember. When I think of my Babi, I hope this will be how I remember her - with an inner peace that radiated from the smile stretching across her face.

climbing Diamond Head
A few years back, on vacation with Dad and Stephen, we took a break from Babi-sitting and went out to explore the wonders that Hawaii has to offer. Dad had rented a car, and we circled the island of Oahu. I remember visiting the beautiful North Shore, snorkeling at Hanauma Bay, and practically collapsing with exhaustion only a few hundred feet up the climb to the Diamond Head Crater Look-Out. In my own defense, the day the 3 of us went to climb the mountain, I was afflicted with one of my many colds, and between my chest congestion and flat lining energy levels, it was almost a miracle that I was able to turn back and make it to the car all by myself. Since that time, I've often looked through my Hawaii scrap book, and wished that I could have been there to share in the view that photographs can barely represent.

This year, I made up my mind to retrace the steps of that day, so many years ago. On my own, I took a bus that drove me across Waikiki to the base of Diamond Head Crater. I eagerly marched my way up along the road which brought me to the entrance to Diamond Head National Park.

I remember glancing at the parking lot where I'd spent my last visit to the mountain, but I was determined that I wouldn't see it again until I'd conquered the trail. I didn't have a cold this time around, and I don't think that Diamond Head is at any remarkably high altitude, but there were times when I still had to fight back a mild panic as I felt the air getting thinner. (I guess my asthma, as much as I like to ignore it, still gets me from time to time) But I didn't quit. There were times when I looked up to see what appeared to be an unending trail winding back and forth up the mountain side. But I didn't quit. There were 3 staircases that left me puffing for air and made my knees burn worse than I've ever felt. But I didn't quit. And at the top of the last staircase, with the sun so bright that I had to squint, I was faced with the choice of turning back or squeezing myself through the tiny crevice that served as the doorway to the outside world where I would finally see the view that had begun this hike. But I didn't quit.

I didn't quit, and my reward was an unbelievably breathtaking view of the Pacific Ocean, Waikiki Beach, and the tropical landscape of Oahu.

Photo Albums from Paradise

2007-02-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

Scenes from the Vancouver Airport

Welcome to Paradise

A Morning Walk Along Waikiki Beach

Diamond Head

Passport Woes

2007-02-10T19:01:00.000-07:00

I really thought that by this time yesterday I would be boarded on an airplane taxiing down the tarmac on its way to Vancouver. From there, I would be whisked through customs and soon thereafter soaring over the Pacific en route to Paradise. Everything was running on schedule: Stephen was awake 2 hours before I expected him to be, I was packed and ready to roll a half hour early, and even Karma (the family dog) was being docile and cuddly for a change. Most of my TV downloads had finished (I figured I’d want something to keep me entertained at the airport between flights), and though I hadn’t gotten ahold of Mom yet, I’d left a message hoping she’d get through to me before I left on vacation.

Stephen was going to drive me to the airport before he started his errands for the day. Because he woke up so early, we stopped at Dad’s hotel for lunch, and a chance to say goodbye. From there, the drive to the airport saw my excitement rising, and Stephen and I going through a last minute checklist.

S: suntan lotion?
C: check
S: ID?
C: check
S: money for the Vancouver airport?
C: uhh.. oops. Can you loan me 20$ ‘til I get home next week?
S: yup, no problem. You’ve got everything for Babi?
C: Her chicken soup powder – check. Salad dressing – check. Wool (she knits) – check. I even have my orders from Dad, Marnie & the Japanese department at school. Do you need anything from Hawaii? I mean it’s been like 4 weeks since Dad was there, after all.
S: (laughing) no, thanks, I’m fine.

We parked the car, and headed up to the departures level. I approached the self check-in machine while Steve ran to the ATM to get me a $20. I struggled for a few minutes trying to figure out my reservation code. “W4FNI0” (mental thought process: is that the letter i? or the number 1…? And the 0.. a letter? Number? Grrrrr, this is frustrating.). I finally got the code in, and the machine smugly informed me that there is no self check-in for international flights. Rolling my eyes, I headed off to the ridiculously long line-up, and saw the notice that would leave me ashen-faced and with heart palpitations.

As of January 23, 2007, all US and foreign visitors entering the United States will only be allowed access with valid passports.

Stephen came up, and immediately asked me what was wrong. I pointed out the sign, and barely above a whisper explained that I didn’t have my passport with me. I didn’t even know where it was!! Wide eyed, he stared as though I’d said something in a foreign language, and then immediately jumped into action. Approaching one of the West Jet employees, he inquired into possibilities for getting through customs without my Passport. I stood dumbly while the woman explained that it would be impossible to continue past Vancouver without it. Sometimes, and she stressed the SOMEtimes, they will let people enter the gate with only a driver’s licence and a birth certificate, but there was no guarantee that the Custom’s Agent would let me through, and in that case, I would get no refund on my ticket.

I was floored. In 25 years of visiting my grandmother in Hawaii, I’ve once and only once needed a passport to enter the country? When was this? Last year, of course, when I flew in from Tokyo. As a Canadian Citizen, I’ve always been able to fly into the US using only my driver’s license and birth certificate.

Since I’ve had no TV and virtually no Internet access for such a long time, I had no idea of the policy changes to US customs. Nobody thought to verify that I had my passport with me, and I never even bothered to find it before rushing home to Calgary on Thursday. I was staring at Stephen, who was in almost as much shock as I was, when the Agent talking to us suggested I cut in front of the line and speak with the ticketing agent directly.

Miraculously, (well, Stephen says it was karma) I managed to end up at the counter of the on shift supervisor. She was the nicest and most friendly airline employee I have ever encountered. I promised her, that under no circumstances would I repeat the following exchange, so if anyone asks, you didn’t hear it from me.

Out of what can only be described as pity, the West Jet Ticket Agent maneuvered her computer system into changing my flight to the next day, Saturday, at 4pm. As if that wasn’t gracious enough, she also managed to do so with only the teeniest surcharge, rather than charging me for a whole new flight, which she would normally have to do under those circumstances. She explained to me that since I would now be flying on the weekend, and especially under the current weather conditions (insane flurries and snow drifts), I should be at the airport AT LEAST 2 hours early, if not more. I agreed, thankfully, paid the surcharge, and then followed Stephen back outside to the car.

You can imagine the next few minutes, as we avoided each other’s eyes and I tried to think of a way to explain what had just happened to Mom, Dad, and of course, Babi, who was expecting me in Hawaii that night. I figured that I had no choice but to drive up to Edmonton, grab my passport, and make it back into Calgary before my flight the following day. We got ahold of Dad, who took it upon himself to let Babi know, and I decided to head home to search for my passport before heading up to Edmonton. I was 99% sure it wasn’t in Calgary, but it made more sense to me to double check before heading out on a 6 hour drive.

The next few hours… well.. they are a bit of a blur. I was stressed out, upset with myself, feeling like the biggest imbecile on the face of the planet, and completely helpless. I had no car, no idea where my passport was, and no way to deal with anything while Dad was at work, Stephen was at an appointment, and my life was once again, on hold. While I searched my room, Dad called, and we talked about possible ideas. He was extremely concerned at the idea of driving to Edmonton and back by myself with the winter driving conditions, and offered to drive me himself. I wasn’t happy with that idea because I knew he had to work the next morning, and it wasn’t fair to make him drive all the way to Edmonton and back, especially without knowing for sure that my passport was there. He mentioned that he knew someone in Edmonton who would be driving back to Calgary the next morning, and wondered if there was a way someone else could check my room and find my passport for me… I wasn’t convinced this was possible, but decided it was worth a shot. While Dad tried to get ahold of Gail, his friend, I started calling my place in Edmonton to see if I could get ahold of AJ.

2 hours later, when I was ready to give up and catch a bus back to Edm, I finally got ahold of AJ. He’d just finished class and was on his way home, and I explained my stupidity and what was going on. He agreed to call when he got home, and I would walk him through the few possible places in my room that I might have left my passport. I was on the edge of my seat, waiting for his call. Dad, in the meantime, hadn’t been able to get ahold of Gail, but had another brainstorm. My Aunt was on her way to Edmonton at that very moment, and her bus would be arriving within the hour. My cousin, Marnie, would be driving to the bus depot to pick her mother up, and Dad figured, if we could get the passport to Marnie, she would be able to send it home to me via the bus. It was a viable theory, and I ran it by AJ who agreed to help by driving my passport to Marnie’s, if he could find it. I explained to him where my back pack was, and he checked it, with no luck. I had him go through my purse, which I’d left behind in my haste on Thursday, but it wasn’t there. I had no idea where else to suggest, and I had practically given up. I thanked him for his help, and for trying to rescue my vacation, but that I would probably have to drive in and search myself because I had no idea where else to suggest he look over the phone. He apologized, and told me to call if I had any brainstorms. I hung up and began searching through my room again. Stephen, worried about me, asked if there was anything he could do to help. I asked him to call West Jet and explain the situation, and ask if there was any way I could travel to Hawaii without my passport. He left my room to use the phone, and not even a minute later, I heard him shouting to come to the phone. I couldn’t understand what the problem was – I mean, who’s ever heard of an airline agent answering a customer service call that quickly? But, Stephen explained, he was dialing West Jet when the other line rang. He thought it might be Dad and let it go through to voice mail, but when it rang again 20 seconds later, he answered it to find AJ on the line explaining that he had found my passport!!!

AJ, my roommate, my landlord, my hero, hadn’t given up, and he, with the help of my other roommate, Tessa, found my passport in a box under my purse. I must have moved it back in January when I moved in, thinking it should go somewhere safe. Without any hesitation, AJ asked for Marnie’s phone number, and he agreed to drive the passport over ASAP. I thanked him profusely, and after hanging up, sat down in relief, and realized that this was only phase one.

I waited a few minutes, and then tried calling Marnie myself. When I heard a woman answer the phone, I assumed it was her and instantly began thanking her for her help. The woman stopped me to explain that she wasn’t Marnie, but that Marnie was on her way home, and my roommate had just called, and was also on his way. She didn’t really know what was going on, but understood that he was dropping off my passport for Marnie, and when Marnie got home, she would give me a call. I thanked her, hung up, and waited to see how this would all end up.

10 minutes later, when I had begun to panic again, Marnie called to say she was home, had my passport, and wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do with it. I explained what had happened at the airport, and that since my flight was postponed to the next day, I wanted her to send my passport up on the bus when she went to pick up her Mom. She agreed, and promised to call back after the passport was safely en route. It was an hour later when she finally called back, but only because it had taken nearly that long for her to get the bus driver alone to talk for a moment. The policy of the bus company is to not be responsible for any courier parcels or packages, and they absolutely refused to transport my passport for me. Marnie managed to talk the bus driver into doing me a favour privately, and he was so nice about it, he even refused to accept a tip for helping me. She took his name and phone number, promised that I would be there in person to pick it up when he arrived at the Calgary depot, and then quickly explained the transaction details to me. Again, I thanked her, and settled back to wait until 9:30 when I would finally hold my passport in my own 2 hands.

Long story short…er… I was at the depot on time, the bus driver matched my face to the picture in my passport, and now, it is 3:45, I’m sitting at the gate in the Calgary airport typing this while I wait for my boarding call. I am finally on my way to Hawaii, only a short 24 hours late, and in no time, I will be lying by the pool drinking mojito’s and visiting with my grandmother.

And I will never, ever, ever, go to the airport without my passport, ever again.
-----
(Part II - Vancouver Airport.)

Just to add to my travel discourse, I wound myself through the Vancouver airport labyrinth, managed to decode the mysterious custom's declaration form, and talk my way past the custom's agent. He seemed suspicious that I had stamps and stickers in my passport (yes, my INFAMOUS passport) already, and had me explain when I had last been in the states and why. I wasn't sure what he wanted me to say. . . I had flown in to Honolulu last February, spent 2 weeks and flown back to Japan, but I had also flown home from Japan through San Francisco back in September. I mentioned both and the man seemed satisfied. Then again, the lady at the metal detectors decided that the under wire in my bra might be a threat against national security and felt the need to pat me down, front, back, and both sides. I wasn't expecting to get felt up this vacation, and especially not in a public airport. Ick, ick, and double ick.

I then walked the long long long way to my gate. Gate E82, possibly the furthest one in the terminal, and decided to visit the check-in counter to ask if there would be a meal on the flight. Imagine my surprise when I saw a flashing notice across the television screens announcing that my flight, scheduled to leave Vancouver at 6:30 would now be departing 2 hours late.

Gritting my teeth, I decided that somewhere in my karmic history, I must have done something to deserve the trials and tribulations that I am going through just to go on vacation this week. I tried calling home from a payphone, but I refused to spend the $2.50 to call Calgary long distance. Collect wouldn't work, supposedly because Dad connects through Shaw and not Telus, so finally I pulled out my beloved computer, paid for a 24 hr subscription to the Telus Wireless, and found Stephen on MSN. I had him relay the info to Dad, who called Babi and gave her the good news. From there, I decided to spend my 2 hour wait in the airport blogging and trying to finish up one of my papers. I may as well do it here at the airport and spend my time in Hawaii suntanning on the beach!

Allow me to introduce: the UofA's newest Canadian!

2007-02-07T00:58:00.000-07:00

all pictures copyrighted by Jiennie

Epica

2007-02-03T20:08:00.000-07:00

Europe's Premier Creative Award Winner
click here to view

a photo log

2007-02-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

My first thought?
Why am I recieving a box of Canadian cereal from Japan? LOL.

かわいいいいいいい！

良かった！！今週末はマイナス25度！

お久しぶり。。。

Engrish, oh how I miss you.

おいしそう~

kaiwa

2007-01-23T10:28:00.000-07:00

I was a bit apprehensive when I first learned I was coming back to Edmonton. I'll admit that in Calgary, I haven't done much to get involved with the East Asia / Japanese community, but I sort of chalk that up to part laziness, part apathy, and part ignorance. Studying and spending the last 4 years outside of the city haven't really opened my eyes to what's available there for me to get involved in. Edmonton, on the other hand, faced different difficulties. The first - a feeling similar to shame in the knowledge that I am back here. I had said my goodbyes and feel like I've had to wander back in with my proverbial tail between my legs. Second - the only group I've known about on campus to try and bring Japanese exchange students & Japanese language students together, is the Japanese Conversation Club (hereafter to referred to as kaiwa - short for nihon kaiwa or Japanese Conversation). My history with this club isn't a very happy one...

My first 2 years of classes, I was never able to attend the meetings because of work and other obligations of my time (ESL volunteering & such). My 3rd year, I was finally free to visit the club as I pleased. I even knew the folks running it (often volunteers in their graduating year), and thought I'd feel welcomed because of that. Instead, I quickly realized that I was an "outsider", and that any dreams of using the club to brush up on my Japanese were forgotten. Furthermore, under the leadership of one Josh Heinrichs, the club (as described by others who had been there for all 3 years) went from bad to worse, Had I had continued to attend the club, my impressions would only have suffered. As if that wasn't enough, I'd even tried on 2 separate occasions to have him add me to the club's email list, but Josh being Josh, failed miserably. Finally - although I wasn't around for it, last year, club leadership fell onto the responsibility of my dear Murasaki. I followed along with the club's progress on her blog, but always with a notion of voyeurism - this was a club that I had definitely not been a part of for my entire UofA career, and from Japan, it was even more out of my reach.

Thus, I didn't put much stock into the idea of joining up when I returned to the University earlier this month. In fact, I didn't think I'd have much contact at all with the Japanese department, or even get the opportunity to use much of my Japanese. What I discovered, however, was that the grad students I had known before Japan had moved on and been replaced by a few who are keen on keeping the undergrads busy. Neill, a man I'd heard about for years but never met, and a former UofA undergrad, has returned to the East Asian Department, and beyond his responsibilities to the department, has also taken on leadership of kaiwa. His goal is to bring as many Japanese exchange students and Japanese language learners together as he can, to facilitate learning and language exchange. Despite my hesitations, he has agreed to add me to his email list, to keep me updated on club activities, meetings, and other such delights. Scheduled weekly meetings fall on Tuesdays and Fridays. I have class during the Tuesday session, but maybe I'll brave another try on a lonely Friday sometime during this semester. . . if I can find the time.

And then, one afternoon while I was loitering outside Neill's office with Lora, he came out to inform us of a pizza party/EAIG meeting he had planned. Curious, I inquired that the meeting was all about, and they explained to me that this was another group he ran. Rather than focus on language exchange, this one is to share ideas and research about East Asia. The group extends membership to members of other departments that relate to ours, and while I think he has aimed it towards grad students, anyone (including Lora & myself) are welcome to take part. Yippee! I added myself to this group's mailing list as well, and tagged along to the meeting that ended up being a small group of 6 of us. Instead of talking much about research or even East Asia, we talked about the department, our trips to Japan, and just spent a couple of hours laughing over pizza & beer. (or in my case, donair).

Another member of this group, and a fellow grad student in the department of East Asia Studies, is my Japanese friend Yumi. She was an undergrad the last time I was here, and when I left, we had said our goodbyes assuming it would be for good. Instead, she applied for the Masters program and was accepted, and last week when I made my way up to the department, we surprised each other in the hallway. Catching up has been fun - a combination of English (hers is impeccable) and Japanese (although mine usually just makes her laugh). Also, since my Japanese linguistics class is combined with the Masters' class, both Yumi and Neill are there to suffer along with me every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. This gives us all something to groan about together, which usually is just an excuse to bond over beer & other goodies.

I never thought I'd be happy to be back, but maybe there's still some hope for my future with the UofA. At least I've found some activities to fall back on when I get tired of researching for all my major term papers.
walk to whyte

I miss internet. sigh.

2007-01-21T18:06:00.000-07:00

Just a short little note.. I know some of you keep checking in regularely, but since I've moved back to Edmonton... to my old life, to my old rut I suppose, I haven't felt much like writing. There are always moments of inspiration, but I'm hoping to transform those into more meritorious moments by throwing my creative energy into writing papers and hopefully finding a way to speed through this semester somewhat painlessly. It hasn't helped that internet at 'home' is sketchy at best. The few times I manage to steal a signal, I barely have time to check email before it disappears again, and this just frustrates me to the point where I want to throw my computer against a wall. (I don't of course - she's still my baby).

Being back in my old life... cut off from the world without internet.. I have to admit that these days I'm feeling extremely lonely and homesick in-a-way. By homesick, I don't mean a longing for Calgary per se, but rather that where I am now does not and cannot ever feel like home. In that sense, I wish I was somewhere happier and more comfortable, but until April 30th, I'm going to have to continue to make do. Those of you who want to help, please continue to send me emails. I check daily from campus and its always nice to know people are thinking about me. I know I'm terrible at replying, but if you can forgive that, it would mean the world.

A little gem - as emailed to Kristine earlier today.

2007-01-09T12:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, as Lora and I entered our classroom in Tory, I found myself staring at the next generation of Japan-o-philes. Each of them sat giggling and vibrating with energy, but one face stood out from the rest. I couldn't help but stare as I turned to Lora and asked her inquisitively if she knew who he was. Lora answered that she didn't know, and went about choosing our seats. But I knew his face. I knew he looked so familliar, that I sat frustrated with my inability to place him. The thick wavy hair, his angular nose, even the smile that seemed to create that proverbial glint in his eyes. I wanted to talk to him, but thought I might gain a clue by sitting back and observing the mass-hysteria of the boy surrounded by a cluster of eager students waiting for Dr. Commons to arrive.

Since I myself was waiting for Dr. Commons, I decided to wait out in the hallway, to get the chance to speak to her before class began. I sat, waiting patiently, while a steady din of voices and excitement poured out of the classroom nearby. Suddenly, without warning, the mystery boy himself came marching out into the hallway to examine the situation himself. Turning his head left and then right, he seemed at a loss to discover that our missing Japanese Literature professor was nowhere to be found. And then, as he spun around and marched right back into the classroom, I literally smacked my open hand against my forehead and sat back smugly content with my powers of deducive logic. His walk. I knew that face was familliar, and I knew that somehow, I knew who he was. As I watched him from behind, he retreated into the classroom, and in that instant I recognized that the walk I had always associated with Kristine, was the walk I was watching now. And just like that, I knew I had come face to face with the infamous seiza-sitting Kevin Owen.

is it April yet?

2007-01-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

Wish I had time to post a novel, but for now let me just say that it feels extremely strange to be back on campus. I walk around staring out at a sea of faces I don't recognize, and sit through classes that seem foreign to me. I don't belong here - or maybe I do, but I think it will take a while to feel like I fit in.

I've been back to the EASIA department, where I ran into most of my old profs who seem as surprised to see me, as I do them. Lora and I are all but inseperable again.. which has been my saving grace this week. I don't know how else I'd face all those old memories without her by my side.

I'm getting together with Richard tomorrow. We had a nice chat yesterday - but it will be nice to spend some time one on one again. And for a change, it won't end with me rushing off to Calgary. . .

I changed my cell # to an Edmonton number. Had to cancel my Calgary one for now, but I'm sure you all understand.

contact info is as follows:

11243 76th Ave
Edmonton, Alberta
Canada
T6G0K2

(780) 707-3904

well.. off to class.

another new years...

2007-01-01T22:00:00.000-07:00

...but will it mean another heartbreak?

The last year was probably the best and worst I've ever had. So many new experiences and so many shattered dreams. My heart broken, and crushed, and stepped on, but re-built, mended, and filled.

I can only imagine what 2007 will bring.

bits 'n bites

2006-12-30T20:21:00.000-07:00

the last few days I've surrendered completely to a life of slothful relaxation. between reading, writing and cuddling with Karma, I've filled my time with movies, both new and old. Some of the ones I would recommend? well...

And these are the movies that are still on my "to do" list. Any comments?

an educational update

2006-12-21T15:03:00.000-07:00

Well... after 3 months of waiting and waiting and waiting, I finally have some news from the University. First, they asked me to send copies of all my class syllabi, and examples of my course work. Then, after emails back and forth for a week, my faculty advisor has decided that she will grant me credit for work equivalent to 5 UofA classes. [this means that in order to graduate, I need to complete 1 more semester.] And, I found this out on Monday.

Today is now Thursday. The last 3 days have been a whirlwind of phone calls, emails, stress, breakdowns, and many unanswered questions. I explained to my advisor that while I waited for her decision, I made the choice to sell my condo, and that I now live in Calgary, with my family. She understood that moving back to Edmonton for a semester would be practically impossible, and agreed to make an exception in my case. If I could get permission from the University of Calgary to attend as a visiting student, and I was able to find the very specific courses that I still needed in order to graduate, she would approve them and let me finish my degree from home.

I spent hours pouring over the University of Calgary calendar, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find 5 classes that met the requirements my advisor set out for me. Frustrated, and forced with the option of not graduating, I made the decision to give up the next 4 months of my life, and move back to Edmonton and finish my degree.

I enrolled in the classes I needed (and got approval from my advisor that these are the courses I need to graduate), and then spent days trying to find a place to live. I knew I wouldn't be able to afford much.. especially since I won't even move to Edmonton until Jan. 7th, the day before classes start. I'll look for part time work once I'm there, but until then, I'm not making any money.

Finally, I found an ad for a room for rent. It is furnished, and sharing with a guy and a girl. We'll share the living spaces, but the room is private, and it's something that I can afford.

So, from January through April, I will be back in Edmonton. Back at the University of Alberta. And back in a life I thought I'd outgrown and said goodbye to so many times before.

Happy Hanukkah To Me

2006-12-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

It's almost time for Hanukkah, and this year, I've decided to take a step back. Instead of spending my time describing the gift exchange rituals that have become part of Hanukkah tradition, I'm going to turn things around and talk about Christmas for a while. This year, I guess I'm a lot more critical than I've been in the past, but after the opportunity to spend a winter in a country where Christmas doesn't consume lives for a month at a time, I've been spoiled.

I should explain.. Christmas does exist in Japan. BUT, it exists for a couple of days, and is then forgotten as quickly as it appeared. There are no Christmas carols consuming the radio stations. There are no Christmas decorations in public places like restaurants or store fronts. Christmas is not even a national holiday. In Japan, Christmas is celebrated by Christians, and the rest.. well, the rest just go on with their lives happily oblivious.

In Canada, however, and throughout most of the world I suppose, Christmas has become synonymous with overbearing and gaudy decorations, and what I refer to as religious ignorance. Ironically, the ignorance is at the hands of those that are the least religious Christians, from what I can see. It's the ones that feel their rights at Christmas Time far outnumber the rights of the rest of us. The ones that get my blood boiling over because of their blind belief that every person in this world participates in the mockery that is Christmas.

And I ask you. What *is* Christmas, anyways? I never understood how the holiday grew from celebrating the birth of Christ to the consumer glutton-fest it has become. How exactly does smothering a chopped down tree with lights and buying each other gifts honour and commemorate the man that was supposedly the son of God?

Anyways, the following is a letter I wrote earlier this week after being upset by some comments made by the radio personalities. They were upset that there had been a request made in Seattle that the airport display not only their Christmas Trees, but share in celebrating other holidays that take place during this season. For more info, check out this article from CNN. For the record, I had no issue with their being upset, and frankly agreed that the airport completely over-reacted & acted defensively rather than recognizing the non-Christian populace of Seattle. But the radio show's response to the situation was to belittle the non-Christians for "speaking up" rather than just "rolling over" and letting the Christians have their fun.

As entitled to each of you are to your own feelings and thoughts regarding the month of December and the implications that has on Calgary, every non-Christian listener tuned into your radio station should have an equal right to that freedom of thought.

If you're unhappy with a decision made by someone in the community, then by all means, say so. But when you go beyond that and begin questioning the opinions and rights of your non-Christian listener-ship, do you realize the implications of your actions? Perhaps there are topics and issues that are more sensitive than you initially assumed. Can you not try to understand how difficult and frustrating the winter season can be a non-Christian? From the moment the Thanksgiving decorations come down, they are replaced by flashy (sometimes gaudy) and blatant evidence of Christmas - only ONE of the many holidays that occur at this time of year.

You may believe that Christmas trees do not represent anything religious. And you're entitled to that opinion. But as far as I'm concerned, the fact remains that the Christmas tree, and Christmas lights, and the nativity scene all share one very significant detail: they all represent Christmas, which by its very nature celebrates the birth of Christ, a very religious figure.

Christmas is a time of year when other religions and other systems of beliefs are cast to the side. It's not fun spending a month every year feeling like a lower class member of society. A month when my rights and my opinions no longer matter to radio personalities, TV anchors, and members of government that place their own religious identity above the religious freedom that I, as a Canadian citizen, should be entitled to.

Wars have been waged throughout history by groups fighting both for and against religious freedoms. Perhaps in this day and age, when one religious group is being told by so many others that their religious expression is offensive and out of place, growing defiant and defensive is not the answer? I think that every Canadian should find a solution that lets us function as a community - not one that forces each religious group into a defensive corner.

karma

2006-12-11T13:53:00.000-07:00

It was another slow morning at work in October when I sent off an email to happy bunny at my other office. I mentioned how bored I was and that my head might start spinning Exorcist-style, and she did me the favour of requesting my presence at her office. With the okay from Mr. Mann's personal assistant, I finished up what was on my desk and headed out into the craziness that is downtown Calgary on a Tuesday. Given the option of bussing it up Centre St. to the North office, or grabbing the train south, I decided on the latter and squeezed myself into the shelter on the train platform to avoid the cold wind that was trying to tickle its way down my spine.

Seconds after I found shelter from the cold, a distraught looking woman came into the shelter aimed straight for me. I caught a glimpse of the other ppl waiting to catch the train before turning my head to aknowledge the woman asking me to teach her how to use the train. (For those of you who may not remember, as a rule, I do not pay for the train, so you can imagine the irony I felt at having this request directed my way. remember?)

I made the quick decision to help the lady despite my personal feelings about paying for the use of public transit. I took her to the machine, and because my hands were full, explained to her how to push the little yellow button, and then feed her money into the coin slot. When she had paid, we waited together for her ticket to print out, and then as I was ready to turn back to the shelter, she asked me if I could also help her get to Chinook, the mall she was heading to. I explained that she would want to get onto the South-bound train and ride to Chinook station. It is really very simple, but she still seemed a little unsure of herself, so I volunteered to ride with her (since I would be travelling past Chinook anyways). She was extremely grateful, and explained that she was from a little town in Saskatchewan, and she was in town with her husband who was here on business. She'd never ridden the train before, and "didn't know how she would have done it without me". I made small talk, asking what her husband does, and when the train arrived, led her in to sit down in the first available vestibule.

She immediately pulled her ticket out of her pocket, and searched confusedly for someone to show it to. I explained that in Calgary, the tickets are only checked randomly by LRT cops, and that she should just hold on to it in case they come by. She seemed unsatisfied with my explanation; she really beleived that someone had to check her ticket or else she was doing something 'wrong'. Well, she was in luck. Not even 3 minutes after we'd sat down, she looked up in surprise and called out to a man walking our way.

My heart jumped into my throat as I turned and saw an LRT cop walking our way. I tried to look stoic and keep a smile on my face as I watched, awestruck. The woman I was riding the LRT with, the woman from a small town in Saskatchewan who was in town only for a few days, the woman who was about to watch me get an LRT education that I've managed to avoid for 4 years now, stood up and embraced the LRT cop. She was practically gushing as she explained to him that I was teacher her how to ride the LRT, and my heart stopped a beat when he turned to me. I knew what was coming, and I couldn't think of any excuse for not having a ticket on me - especially under the circumstances, and then wouldn't you know, the lady across from me turned and introduced the LRT cop as the son of her very best friend, from that little town in Saskatchewan. I looked from her to him in wonder, as he smiled and introduced himself. And then, as luck would have it, they spent 5 minutes or so catching up before he followed a girl off the train at the next station to check her ticket.

He never asked for my ticket (although the woman across from me happily showed hers to him when he first walked up to our seats), and so it was a giddy sense of triumph that I waved farewell to my new friend as the train left her on the platform at Chinook station.

so long Edmonton

2006-12-03T10:22:00.000-07:00

Sold!

2006-11-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

Just shy of 3 weeks, and my condo is sold. Possession date? December 9th, which means I have this upcoming weekend to pack everything up and move everything out. Probably wouldn't be so tough if it was warmer than -30 outside, but whadya gonna do.

"Bond, James my-pecs-are-too-big-for-my-body Bond."

2006-11-19T01:41:00.000-07:00

And a big round of applause goes out to Daniel Craig for the ugliest man-chest I've seen on the big screen in forever. Would you please put your shirt back on? You really aren't all that, despite what Judy Dench and the wimpy Brunette might think.

** SPOILER WARNING **

The new James Bond.. an attempt at re-telling the story from the beginning relied on old cliches and not-so-witty banter to fill 2.5 hours. The basic premise? How did James become the tailored-suit-wearing-martini-drinking-saucy-remark-quipping poster boy for the British operatives that we all know so well. We watch him fall for the "first" Bond Girl, who before being unmasked as the first double-crossing Bond Girl, manages to transform him from the scrappy cold hearted field agent into the man who fits the previously mentioned 007 description. In the mean time? The movie fails to delve into the character's background, nor does his motivation become clear. The relationship that Bond shares with M is filled in a bit, but even that became caustic and demeaning when they portray M as an almost motherly character who's role is to chastise Bond for his childlike qualities and urge him to grow into the "man" that is James Bond 007.

The car was sexy, but lacking any special features or toys. The spy equipment - all but non-existent. Bugs; both tracking and listening; were the extent of cool gadgets making their way onto the screen, and while I can understand why they might have been kept out of a story taking place at the beginning of Bond's career, the movie makes reference to 9-11 as an event of the past, and consequently sets itself in a time period that should have Bond overflowing with gizmos and spy paraphernalia. And finally, the story itself. Dry, difficult to follow, and barely enough to keep the action forthcoming. The result? The newest Bond suffers from so many angles, I can suggest nothing simple than to STAY AWAY.

uh oh

2006-11-18T20:35:00.001-07:00

I am so disturbed by the fact that Steve left my room 10 minutes ago to take a shower... and not even 1 minute later I heard him having a conversation with someone that went something like this...

... what do you think?
I don't know, smell it yourself.
Smell it?
Yes, smell it!...

EEEeeewwwwwwwwwww. Some things are just better left unsaid.

a strangely vulnerable moment in time

2006-11-06T22:16:00.000-07:00

i'm still trying to let go of things that hurt me so badly in Japan last year. the further I drift away from that time in my life, the deeper I feel myself pulled back in. I know that by now closure is hopeless, but i'm not strong enough to move on without it.

the unanswered email broke my heart. i wish i could understand why the friendship I wanted so badly could never be.

the unreciprocated goodbye.. sadly I still wait for something. i believe in him too much to give up completely. the occasional visit to see what i'm blogging tells me there's still something there, even if he refuses to admit it.

the friendships that dissolved the day I left home.. well, they leave me feeling melancholic. there is nobody to blame, just life to be realized. some relationships can only survive face to face, and others require effort that I haven't been able to devote to them. and others again, that I know are still there, waiting until I am ready to re-embrace those people that hold a special place in my heart.

~~

I spoke to Natasya today. Actually physically listened to her voice crossing over the thousands of miles of telephone wires. I could have sent an email, I could have waited until we came across each other on MSN. But I didn't want to wait. I needed to hear her, to speak with her, to allow myself a moment of vulnerability when all the memories from last year could come rushing back. I needed to know if I have reached the point where I can dissasociate her from all the pain I lived through last year. It is unfair of me to still hold on to it. I know that, but what can I do? If it was as easy as just "letting go", then I would, but that was something I never learnt to do. In the mean time, it eats away at my heart everytime I want to reach out to the person that holds the key to so many crossed emotions in my soul. I want to rebuild my friendship with Natasya, but I can't do that as long as I think of her as a bridge to other people in our lives. I know the time will come when that thought fades, and Natasya, I'm sorry that it is taking me so long. I just can't move forward until I find a way to do without dragging the past along for the ride.

sigh

was this even coherent? I'm so tired these days, and trying so hard to stay busy and unfocused on things I'd rather forget. wish I could say more, but sometimes there just aren't enough words...

UNFAIR

2006-11-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

Today's Weather Forecast (pout)

an impending nailbiter

2006-11-04T14:48:00.000-07:00

Well, it's done. went up to Edm with dad for one of the last times. met with my neighbor, signed papers, and on Thursday, my condo will be up on the net (& real estate boards) for sale. now we just sit back, wait & see. Wish me luck!

still haven't heard from school. hoping for the best, 'cause I'm pretty much relocating to Calgary semi-permanently now. hope Richard and I find a way to visit; it's not easy being away from my best friend for so long, but at least we've gotten to visit a bit and talk more often now that I'm at least in the same country.

feelin' like some word association

2006-10-30T21:56:00.000-07:00

I'll start with something obvious, and see where I end up...

halloween. witch. salem. stake. dracula. the count. one two three. strikes. baseball. yankees. NYC. central park. killer squirrels. acorns. the giving tree. life cycle. mortality. existence. resistance. persistence. achievement. dream. land of nod. Mercutio. Shakespeare. English. Buckingham Palace. tea time. crumpets. curds and whey. nursery rhyme. mother goose. mother nature. nurture.

condo remodelling

2006-10-24T08:08:00.000-06:00

I feel so rebellious, writing this while I’m at work, but I’ve worked my tail off for the last few days and I need a break. Saturday morning, after a quick breakfast, Dad and I hit the road. The road from Calgary to Edmonton is so straight and uneventful, that it becomes a challenge to stay awake and alert while making the trip north or south, and generally, I hate to do it alone, which is why Dad came up with me this time. We took his new car which comes equipped with the GPS navigator that impressed me so much last year in Japan. We entered my address into the system and waited until it had plotted our course north to see what lay ahead. The route was a straight line. Literally. We zoomed out to over 16x and still what lay ahead of us was a line heading straight into the horizon.

I was tired, but not sleepy enough to nap on the drive, so I just stared out the window watching the scenery pass by. It really amazes me how different things still seem to me sometimes. I remember sitting on the train in Japan watching buildings and power lines and bill boards screaming past the windows. It was so rare to see a plot of land that wasn't developed in some way, especially between the big cities, but here in Alberta, despite the mountains peaking in the distance, the land is so flat, and bare, and boring. Field after field after field. Sure there's the occasional farm or tree parked along the highway, but the highlight of our drive is usually a few cows or horses straying near the side of the road. But even that has become so common that the livestock barely raise an eyebrow.

By the time we reached Red Deer (half way, and the only place large enough to be worth stopping in) Dad's stomache was growling so we grabbed a light breakfast at Tim Hortons before continuing our trip. We made it into Edmonton around 4 and began our shopping excursion at WalMart. A few weeks back, Dad heard from an associate of his that there was a company in Calgary that rented out furnished condos to Oil & Gas Executives that were in the city for long term stays and didn't want to be in a hotel. We were curious if they handled any condos in Edmonton, and after calling to speak with the manager of the company, we were told that they were interested in expanding to include Edmonton in their management portfolio, but there were a few items that needed to be in the condo before they would consider it. He then forwarded the list to us via email, and the short list turned out to span 2 columns over 2 pages, and unfortunately for me, there were a number of items that I couldn't immediately check off as I went through it. Thus, the trip to Edmonton.

Before the man heads up to Edmonton this coming week, Dad and I rushed up for the weekend to buy, assemble, and clean all of the missing items on my list. Some of them seemed logical to me, such as white linen sets and towels, laundry soap, toilet paper, etc. Some of them.. well... not so much. I mean, how many of these long-term executives want to spend their nights off sitting at home baking muffins? A muffin tin, pizza pan, roaster w/lid, a cheese grater, and both the auto-shut off coffee maker and auto-shut off kettle seemed a bit excessive to me.

Anyways, the biggest change for my condo was that after 3 years, I said goodbye to the makeshift table I'd inherited from Lauren, and a trip to Ikea brought a new glass table and 6 chairs into my home. Dad and I worked late into the night on Saturday assembling the set, but now that it is finished and in place, it looks fabulous with the rest of my furniture. The glass helps keep the eating area feel open and spacious, while the rod iron legs of the table and chairs brings a sense of continuity with the light fixtures from the bedroom and living room, and forms a sense of harmony. With the table and chairs in place, I set the table and moved some art around to enhance the new look for the kitchen, and by the time we left for Calgary on Sunday afternoon, the place looked awesome. So much so, that I really regret taking a job in Calgary. I miss my home, my condo, my life in Edmonton. It is great having friends all over the world that I can talk to and correspond with in both English and Japanese, but there is still something special about the friends that live nearby with whom you can go out for lunch, catch a movie, stop by and visit at work (and vice versa) and just generally hang out with every now and then.

And as much as I miss these things about my life in Edmonton, I'm faced with a decision to make. The property manager I mentioned above is going up north sometime later this week. If he is interested in my condo, I can let him rent it out for me for a decent amount of $, or I can bite the bullet and say goodbye, and list my condo for sale. My neighbor, the realtor, seems to think that now is the time to sell. Richard wants me to sell. Dad wants me to sell, and Stephen, in his own words, thinks I should sell 250%. Mom seemed to identify more with my struggle to make a decision, because she went through this herself just last year, and yet with more time and more details, I'm sure even she would want me to sell. I in turn want to sell, sometimes. And other times, I think I should hold onto my condo because to me it is so much more than a piece of property; it's home.

transitions

2006-10-22T22:21:00.000-06:00

so many thoughts running through my mind

can't find the answers

don't know where I should end up; where I'll want to be

do I follow my head? or my heart.

peanuts and crackerjacks

2006-10-16T23:38:00.000-06:00

good grief charlie brown

8 hrs a day, 5 days a week, with a couple of stat holidays in the mix, and they expect me to fill this time with the teensiest bit of data entry and filing? I was taking my time today, trying to double check what I was doing to make sure there were no first-day-errors, and 3 times the woman training me told me not to rush (I wasn't), and that I didn't have to finish everything in one day. Huh? What kind of work ethic do they expect me to come to work with??

I came home and after a brief catnap, decided that my newfound goal in life is to learn to work slower. I'm going to think of my day at work like a game of baseball. The slowest and most boring sport I can think of.. it will motivate me to pace myself, and limit the amount of work I get done by thinking of each hour as a seperate inning. My work station comes with a decent PC and internet, so I keep an eye out for the other team (superiours) while I steal bases (hours surfing the net). By the end of the day, my 7th inning stretch will be a nice leisurely visit to the staff room where the fridge is full of cold beverages and there are drawers brimming with chooclate bars. And then off to wrap things up and finish the game, and hopefully without any overtime. If I'm lucky, some days might even be called on account of rain!

another hockey night in Canada

2006-10-14T18:20:00.000-06:00

SCOOOORRRRREEEEEEE is all I heard coming out of the family room as I stood at the kitchen sink cleaning up after a minor water-bottle-snafu. Unbelievably, after a pitiful first period, the Flames had managed a defensive goal in the 2 minutes I was out away from the TV. Giordano, the 7th (ie pinch) defensemen for the Calgary team snuck past the Maple Leaf defensemen to slip the puck into the goal. Then, within 5 minutes, the Flames miraculously grabbed the lead with 2 more goals, including a short-handed by Lombardi, and Giordano's 2nd ever NHL goal. The rookie defenseman is so getting a raise after tonight's game.

As the 2nd period nears its end, the Flames lead is dissolved by an unlikely goal while Kiprosoff lied tangled in his defensemen almost a meter in front of the net. Urged on by their momentum, the Leafs gun a 4th goal reclaiming their lead, and the final period of play promises a surge of action, goals, and penalties.

friday the 13th

2006-10-13T17:45:00.000-06:00

that's it. nothing else, just felt like mentioning it.

re: transcripts :: 証明書成績について

2006-10-12T02:04:00.000-06:00

質問:

吉野先生、

アルバタ大学のパルさー・コリーです。ご面倒ですが、先学年の成績証明書について尋ねていいでしょうか。およそいつ千葉大学から成績がもらえますか。

お忙しいところをお邪魔しました。

コリー

返事：

コリーさん

こんにちは。その後お元気ですか。
こちらは、日本語コースが今日から始まります。

成績証明書についてですが、まだ届いていないのですね。お困りでしょう。
私ではわからないので、留学生課の人に返事をしてくれるように頼みました。今週中に返事がなかったら、また私に連絡してください。

吉野

an update of sorts

2006-10-10T15:40:00.000-06:00

let's see... I've been giving in to the loneliness of living in Calgary by isolating myself from friends online. For some reason, I spend most of my time on MSN/AIM/etc invisible, not knowing how to talk to people from the past without anyone in my life in the present. There are times when I've found myself frustrated with my current situation, but I feel so stuck in it, that I can't figure a way out. Until Chiba U sends my transcripts, my university career is frozen in a giant undeterminant mess. Will I graduate? Do I need to enroll in another class or two? Do I need to be in Edmonton for any of the credit transfer process, or should I get started on moving my home and my life back to Calgary?

Everybody here (ie family) keeps asking me what is going on, as though I have some secret knowledge that I'm keeping from them. It only makes me feel more helpless and the frustration level rises, and I want to see them even less, which makes the depression worse. Getting out of bed is a struggle, returning phone calls and emails, nearly impossible. The urge to write has even diminished to the point where I sometimes stare at a blank screen for hours not knowing how to express what is going through my mind, and at the same time, wondering why that matters since writing is something that I do for myself for pleasure and a bit of therapy.

I think I've found a job. I don't really want it, and it is certainly nothing exciting, but with Stephen starting work today, and the thought of being stuck at home all day long with his dog and a big empty house is extremely depressing. I sent off a couple resumes back when I had an incling of wanting to work, and of the calls I got back, I think an office position with one of the banks (ATB) is the most promising. I went for the interview last week, and they've called me back in for a 2nd, which virtually means they are offering me the job. The 2nd interview is on Friday, which means I need to decide by then if I'm going to take the position or not. I'm broke, and the money would be nice... but this isn't a career or anything like that.

Blah. 4 days to decide.

Battle of Alberta

2006-10-08T01:19:00.000-06:00

The Flames Home Opener began with an introduction to the team, a trophy for Kip, and a banner raising to commemorate the strength of the team last season. The game wasn't the best I've ever seen, but the dome was packed, tbe fans riled up, and the 3 periods included 3 goals and some unbelievable saves. There were times when the Flames couldn't catch a pass to save their lives, but their penalty kills were awesome.

Flames Home Opener

Oct 6, 2006 - 27 Photos

Finally, we can be together again.

2006-10-04T22:49:00.000-06:00

After a 2 year absense, Hockey has finally come back into my life. It was devastating when the strike hit during my last year in Edmonton. No more hockey meant no more life-size ice play on my big screen TV, and no more teasing Stephen everytime the Flames got their asses kicked, which in the past happened WAY more than he liked to admit. (ha ha, Carter too I'm betting)

The winter felt longer, the school year more gruelling, and it was only the thought of a year in Japan that kept me going (ok, I might be exaggerating a teeeensy little bit...). In an attempt to get my hockey addiction satisfied, I tried watching a couple of the university games, but their skill levels just weren't what I'd been hoping for. And their audience? Unenthusiastic. No loyal fans in their team jerseys, nobody screaming at the referees, and perhaps the most shocking of all, no food vendors walking up and down the stairs between playtime.

Then, after the strike was resolved and with the new season ahead, I left for Japan, a county that while I love for so many reasons, does not share my passion for the sport of Hockey. I knew there were a number of places where I could have joined fellow Canadians to catch a few games now and then.. I was even invited a couple of times to Shibuya's Canadian Bar - the Maple Leaf - to catch the playoff games that were being aired despite the little soccer thing happening in Germany at the same time. But, at the time, I felt it would be better to wait. Better to wait for a time when I could get into the game and the enthusiasm of the audience and my friends and be the hockey fan I know I am in my heart.

There was a time when year after year, I labelled myself as a Vancouver Canucks fan. I knew the players, the team stats, and even toyed with the idea of getting myself a Jersey a couple of times. In the pre-strike days, I watched my favorite player retire, I tried to make sense of what happened with Bertuzzi, and I waited to see my team bounce back from the slump they'd fallen into. But now, after 2 years of absense and uninvolvement with the game, I find myself staring at a team roster full of names that I don't recognize. All the players that I once respected and cheered for are spread out across divisions and teams that seem so foreign t0 me, that I no longer know where my loyalties lie.

And so, this Saturday night at 8:05 MST, I will be surrounded by cheering fans as the Calgary Flames take on the Edmonton Oilers for the Flames' first home game of the season. There will be a banner raising to celebrate that the team came in 3rd in their division in 2005-2006, and the goalie will be awarded a trophy for his incredible skill and talent that placed him 1st amongst fellow goaltenders and 2nd overall in the league. I will cheer alongside my neighbors, and I will applaud the goalie I have endearingly called "Kip", and I will cross over to the other side as I re-label myself a Flames Fan.

#34 - Miikka Kiprusoff
goalie extraordinaire

Woo Hoo!

2006-10-03T09:41:00.000-06:00

I just got a call from my neighbor back in Edmonton. He's been helping me by playing landlord for my condo and he was calling to tell me that my tenant is gone and I'm free to finally move home whenever I want!!!!!!!! This doesn't mean I'm moving anytime soon, but at least I know that when I do, my place is ready for me. Yay Yay Yay!

humbug

2006-10-03T01:45:00.000-06:00

nobody else is blogging anymore.. and people I never expected keep checking mine for updates.. it's bizarre really, why someone like Finland, who lived down the hall from me for a year but never said a word to me if she could help it, checks my blog more than anyone else. Out of curiosity, I checked hers just to see what she's been thinking, and after searching for my name in all of the archives, this is what I've come up with. (smirk)

Nov 21/05: then when i finished with classes, i went with Cori and Claudia to have some ramen...that was really expensive! Plus, i just can’t deal with those people…I don’t know what to say to them, and I feel like Cori doesn’t even like me that much…I mean, we live on the same floor, but we never associate with each other…which is perfectly fine with me, I don’t really like her that much either…
Mm hmm, I remember this night. Both Claudia and I thought it was bizarre when Finland invited herself to eat with us, but even more strange that after almost 2 months in Japan she'd never eaten ramen (Chinese noodle soup) . I guess I must have made a real nuisance of myself when I kept phoning to give her directions, waited outside in the cold, and did my best to come up with conversation while we were eating. I'm so sorry that she invited herself to "deal" with us, but honestly, was it my fault that she was miserably unsociable?

May 1 (her birthday): Haa...so everyone in class gongratulated me. ^^) Oh and I even got an email from Cori in the morning! (she doesn't like me & the feeling is mutual)
Um.. my little birthday email was important enough to mention on her blog? Must have been a lonely lonely birthday. As for how I feel or who I like, I didn't realize I felt that way, but who am I to argue with you Finland? And you say this feeling is mutual.. so why do you check my blog so often?

-whatever-

back to me. so little is happening these days that I don't have much to write about. Instead, I've been going back to fill in missing entries.. so much happened in such a short time, I couldn't keep up with it in Japan. I guess now is my chance, before the memories fade.

And just before I head off to dreamland, a quick hello to some unexpected visitors. Germany, hey, thanks for stopping by. You know you're not welcome, but I know you're never going to change. Missouri, thanks again for the phone call, even if it was for bad news. Sometimes reconnecting like that really helps ground us. Thailand, 久しぶり、空港から何か聞かなかった事は気持ち悪くなったん。それから、私立ちの関係あまりわかんない。説明してください。Austria, there are no words left. I said my goodbye, and you chose not to do the same. Either be the friend you once claimed to be and find a way to talk to me again, or disappear and let the pain end.

se7en

2006-09-30T01:58:00.000-06:00

I suppose that at one point in our lives, we each succumb to one of the seven deadly sins, but I wonder... am I limited to only one?

Greed

Am I greedy? The question pops up every now and then.. but I'm not sure I'm objective enough to judge.

Envy

Jealousy is something that seems to ooze from my pores as I make my way through life.. sometimes it rages its ugliness in much larger quantities than others, but it always seems to be bubbling, just under the surface, ready to come out. Most recently, I find myself green at the news that Kristine & Jose are going clubbing tonight in Roppongi. I can't help it - I want to be there with 2 of my friends from different wakes of life, living it up in Tokyo. I want to be the one they each call on to drink and dance into the early hours of the night, in Roppongi, Shibuya, anywhere. Sometimes, life is just not fair. 仕方ない. Besides, I know they both love me, and one day I'll be back in Japan being spoiled with sleepover parties in Saitama and private concerts in Inage.

Sloth

I've been home 2 weeks and spent the entire time on a bizarre schedule of sleeping, eating, watching TV and playing on the internet. Sure, every now and then I make time for Nintendo, or to sit back with a good book, but really, has there ever been any doubt?

Lust

Hmmmm... I think a "no comment" would be safest option here.. or I could mention that tonight while watching a movie with Stephen, the word "yummy" might have slipped out when Matthew McConaughey showed up tanned and half naked on screen. Stephen's reaction? a somewhat startled "I've never heard you say anything like that before!". To be fair, I suppose not many have.. I know Richard for one would be esctatic if I would sit around and talk boys with him. S'probably a good thing he doesn't read my blog.

Gluttony

Have I mentioned how much I miss my midnight combenie runs?

Wrath

I don't angry very regularely.. pissed off, sure, but full fledged wrath? Rare.

Pride

Who me? Nah... I'm the humblest person I know. Wouldn't you agree?

so you think you know movies?

2006-09-29T02:11:00.000-06:00

Well, now is your chance to prove it.

On the Hollywood Stock Exchange, you get to buy and sell shares in your favorite actors and movies, and try to out-do all the other movie buffs out there that think they know what will be a hit, and what will flop. Stephen told me about it back when we were all still in Japan, but after coming back home and being around all the movie hype and hollywood drama again, I find the website and the chance to try and predict the "stock market" a better use of my time that reading random profiles on mixi. Besides, the chance to earn more "money" than my kid brother is motivation enough to check the stocks on an almost daily basis.

If you think you know something about hollywood and think you can invest the 2 million fake dollars they'll start you out with wisely, sign up! it's free, it's fun, and it's easy.

And besides, if you give me credit when you sign up (my login ID: corisan), I get s'more fake cash. Tee hee.

my brain is on standby

2006-09-27T02:01:00.000-06:00

There is a cruel twist of fate at work right now.. and I'm feeling trapped. So many happy memories and past heartaches are still with me, holding me back from moving forwards with my life. I wonder why I haven't learned yet not to put faith in people.. I am always inevitably let down, either by my own hyper-expectations, or by the reality that eventually makes itself known to me. Sometimes the reality is better than the illusion. A truth that develops into a sincerity that warms my heart and gives me strength. Other times, it takes on an ugliness that looms and leaves me to watch things that I've grown to love slowly fade away.

I've tried to be honest, with myself, and with all of you who take the time either out of concern or curiousity to read what I have to say, but that too has come to bite me in the @$. I've been attacked for my words, and my feelings torn apart. There are so many people I wish I could reach, and yet their silence and empty words of the past haunt me as I close my eyes at night.

How peculiar that I've come home, to a place that should feel safe and inviting, and give me the support I need to move onto the next phase of my life... and yet here I am, struggling to regain a sense of normality and embrace the opportunities that lie ahead of me. My brain keeps telling me what I should do, but my mind continually holds me back. My broken heart is not ready to let go; holding onto daydreams and imaginary scenarios that can never come true.

Who am I? What does my future hold?

How can I move forward when my thoughts and my heart are trapped in a distorted memory of the past. And when will I be free?

2006-09-26T21:43:00.000-06:00

lots happening - not much time to write, but..

Hatim, Jose, Eugenie, Mi Ran, Eun Jung!!

きれいな葉書がもらった、ありがとう！！

oh Mary...

2006-09-24T03:03:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry.

I didn't know, and now that I do, I'm sorry I let you down.

Life is so cruel sometimes...all the times I couldn't be there for you, you still found a way to be there for me, and now, even in your absense, I find strength in re-reading your letters.

I wish things could be different. I wish you had been happier. I wish there was something more to say.

Goodbye, my wifey, goodbye.

Llama.

TV; the boob tube at its finest

2006-09-20T02:10:00.000-06:00

Wow. I think I've watched more TV since getting home than I did for the entire year I was in Japan. And not the downloaded TV shows that I grew so fond of back in Edmonton, but the full fledged original programming on the big screen complete with teasers for upcoming shows, panic inducing news updates and an array of product commercials. It really is like an accident you pass on the highway --> I can't turn away.

Dad & Stephen have always had this habit of not being able to sit in the family room without the TV on, and there was a time when I could tune out the background noise and have a conversation overtop of it. Now, I try but the lights and noise and craziness coming out of the box is too distracting. My eyes are drawn to it, my ears unable to distinguish between all the voices and sounds coming at me. Sometimes, I find myself watching for hours with no idea what I've seen because with the combination of my jetlag and my newfound fasination for the chaos of the television, I can't be bothered to try and wrap my head around anything that requires more attention.

Then again, when I talk about the shows with Stephen, the new fall line-up sounds like there will be some really intriguing ones to test out. If I will watch them or regain my disinterest in TV remains to be decided, but for now, as long as Simpsons continues to be aired, I'll be happy.

Birthdays, Birthdays, Birthdays

2006-09-20T02:09:00.000-06:00

Oh, the agony. My wallets - yes, both of them - are in pain! What is normally an expensive time of year for me, was especially tight this year, what with coming back from Japan and Dad's 50th. I know he didn't want us to make a fuss over it, but Stephen and I both agreed that we wanted to do something special. We weren't sure what that something special would be, but trying to find something to commemorate the big day was on our to-do list after I got home. We searched and searched, and finally decided on a massage chair, which we ordered to be delivered sometime in October.

I also needed to find time between my erratic sleep schedule and my shopping excursions with Squidge to find something for his birthday too. He surprised me this year with a karaoke machine, one of the things I was looking forward to the most when I was coming home, and I wanted to find a gift for him that he could be equally excited about. Also, I wanted to find something that would remind him of the year I spent in Japan, not because I'm worried that he or I would forget about it, but because being there was such an incredible experience, I wanted to find a way to share some of that with my brother. I decided on a set of Samurai Swords. I couldn't bring them back from Japan, for obvious border complications, so I bought some online for him. They won't be here for his birthday, but I can at least show him a picture and I should be here when they arrive. Dad's & Stephen's birthdays are on the 18th of September, but it looks like both of their gifts will be late this year. Oh well, good things are worth waiting for, right?

Finally, Mom's birthday was a few weeks ago, at the end of August. Steve and I usually try to do something together, and this year was no exception. He waited until I was back in Calgary, and we went out together to pick up her gift. We wanted her to have a night out with a friend, to relax and have some fun, so we got her a gift certificate for one of her favorite restaurants and 2 passes for the movies, to enjoy when she wants to get out one night this autumn.

After buying the 3 birthday gifts, and spending a ridiculous amount of $ shipping home the last of my things from Japan, I am not pretty much broke. No money, no job prospects, but no bills to speak of. This is always an expensive time of year, but I got through it relatively easily, and it's only a matter of time until I'm back on my feet, figuratively, of course.

I just hope everyone likes their gifts :-)

Jetlag: The continuing saga

2006-09-20T02:05:00.000-06:00

Jetlag is killing me. I'm up all night, and sleepy all day, but since getting home, there have been so many things to do that my tired days are filled with errands and responsibilities. I'm barely getting any sleep, and without the supportive comments and emails I'm getting from friends all over the world, I'm not sure how I would keep my mood up under these conditions. God knows that sleep deprivation is my #1 cause of grumpiness & unproductiveness, so yikes!! This better pass soon, I need to catch some Zzzzz's.

Part in parcel with my jetlag-induced-insomnia are the unsatisfied midnight cravings for Playstation in Hatim's room and the combenie ice cream selections. I have my Nintendo again (the original, grey box, 8-bit), and it is still my absolute favorite gaming system, but there was just something comfortable in the familiarity of Hatim's Game Center that I don't have anymore. I guess because after the floods in our basement last-last summer, and my leaving literally 1 week after my room was finished, I never got to be a part of putting the rest of the rooms together, and they feel so alien to me. I never thought I'd feel so out of place in one of the 2 homes I grew up in, but there it is. I feel so displaced - am I home? am I a guest? is there a word for something in between?

first day back

2006-09-19T00:02:00.000-06:00

The flight home was so long and so drawn out that by the time I made it home, I was a basket case. I remember bits and pieces of my walk through the 2nd round of customs. While things had been a breeze on the American side, for some reason, the Canadian custom's inspector was not impressed with the way I'd filled out my form. He insisted that after a year away, I must be bringing stuff from Japan with me and I therefore had to declare it and pay the taxes. I explained that I had bought souvenirs, but sent them through the post office and would pay any appropriate taxes when I picked them up next week (or whenever they arrive) but this just seemed to upset him more. Finally, I agreed to write down that I'd purchased my digi-cam and my keitai in Japan, but since the value of both were under the 1000$ max I am allowed to bring into the country, he let me through without having to pay anything.

My luggage was one of the last to come down the revolving ramp. I guess because I'd checked it in so early in San Francisco, it had been tagged, put aside, and ended up last to be loaded onto the plane. As a result, it was the first to come off, and placed at the bottom of the pile. By the time I walked through the final set of doors and into the terminal, I was probably the last person. On the other side, Mom, Dad and Stephen stood waiting for me beside a half-wall that formed a hallway within the bigger room. When Mom saw me, she rushed around to my side of the mini-wall-thing for a hug. I could tell she could barely keep her tears in, and she just kept saying something about how long it had been. Dad hugged me next, over the wall, and seemed relaxed about seeing me again. Stephen, in true "little brother" fashion, sat on the wall and looked up at me with a slurpee attached to his lips. The brat didn't get up or hug me or anything. He just sort of waited to see what I'd say, and of course, after craving a slurpee for nearly 12 months, I focused on that.

Me: Nice slurpee.
Stephen: Isn't it? Want some?
Me: Nope, I just want to sleep.
Stephen: (smug grin) Some things never change, welcome home!

Hee, the brat! From there, I too was on the brink of tears, although for me it was because of how tired I was. I asked if we could go, and we walked to the car. The drive home was a blur of lights and buildings that looked so familliar but felt like they were out of a dream. Everything seemed so normal except that I felt so strange. I don't know if we talked or anything... I was so exhausted and heartbroken to not be in Japan anymore, all I wanted was a bed and my computer and the privacy to finally let the tears and sobbing out that I'd been holding in since saying goodbye to Natasya & Pu at Narita. When we got home, Mom said goodbye and left for her place. Dad watched for a few minutes while I got re-acquainted with Karma, their dog, and then he went to bed. Stephen brought my suitcases in for me, and then we went downstairs (his room and the guest room are both in the basement) and we visited for a bit. Finally, I was alone and hungry for the first time in days, but I was too tired to go upstairs and search for something to eat.

The next thing I remember is Stephen standing in the doorway telling me to wake up. I couldn't understand why until I was awake enough to hear him say it was 5 pm, and we had Friday Night Dinner (this is a weekly tradition in my family) at Babi's house. I'd slept 13 hours or so, but I was still so tired and confused that I think I started crying and called Mom to ask about the dinner. She didn't know much (Babi is Dad's mom, so my Mom isn't really involved in the weekly dinners) but tried to calm me down and tried to make arrangements to see me. I couldn't promise anything, especially since all I wanted was to shrivel up under the covers and sleep for an eternity. Instead, I managed to shower and get dressed, make my way upstairs and get into the car for the 2 minute drive to Babi's.

The meal was a gong show. Honestly, they always have been, but with my state of mind at the time, it seemed like something from a sitcom. The entire family (well, Dad's side of the family) was there. Me, Stephen and Dad. Of course Babi (my grandmother 83), and her other son and his wife, Sam & Esther (Uncle 59 & Aunt 58). Their 3 daughters were there, Marnie (32), Mara (31) and Becca (26), and Marnie had Jonah, her 1 year old son with her, and this was the 2nd time I've ever seen him. (The first was when he was 7 days old last September - feel free to look it up in the archives.) People kept coming and going, conversations kept bouncing around the table, and my head felt like it was swimming in some sort of twisted dimension.

The only moment I remember clearly from dinner was when Marnie had Jonah sitting in his high chair next to her at the table. To keep him happy and occupied while she was helping clear dishes, Sam, Jonah's grandfather, gave him Marnie's spoon to play with. Jonah seemed determined to find a way to fit the soup spoon into his mouth, despite the fact that his mouth is still so small that it is literally impossible. When our chicken soup was served, with my favorite noodles for me, and matzah balls for everyone else, Marnie tried giving Jonah the colourful baby spoon she'd brought for him, and taking her soup spoon back for herself. Instantly, the baby was in tears. His screams brought me out of my daze long enough to remember the episode and I watched as Marnie helplessly returned her spoon to settle him down. The rest of the meal progressed with Jonah trying to spoon food into his mouth, food which would inevitably fall back onto the tray and be finger fed to him by either Marnie or Sam on either side. Marnie had to eat with the baby spoon while the rest of us were too stunned to say anything.

I wasn't really prepared for the transition in my oldest cousin. Before I left for Japan she was an aggressive lawyer for a high end firm in Edmonton. She was one of those people that seemed to always set goals for herself, achieve them, and move on to the next one. She was highly successful, outspoken to a fault, and always in complete control in practically every situation. To see her as a parent giving in to the smallest whim of the baby sitting beside her.. to watch her eating her meal from the plastic spoon designed for a 1 year old.. was shocking, to say the least. I wasn't coherent enough to talk to her and ask about Jonah or what the last year has been like for her, or to talk to anyone else about their lives either, but I think the change in my oldest cousin would be the biggest change I've noticed since coming home. I guess because I wasn't here to see the progression of career woman into mother.